Washington, D.C. to New York City

The purpose of this guide is to provide directions and relevant commentary for those drivers seeking to drive and make the connection between New York City and Washington, D.C. The New York City – Washington, D.C. axis serves as the critical link between the political, cultural, and financial capitals of America.

This particular section of the Northeast megalopolis is arguably the most heavily trafficked and important corridor within the entire Free World.

Washingtonians have embarked upon the relatively short jaunt to New York City for generations. The 210-mile excursion can be completed at any time of day, but is definitely best executed after sundown to avoid gridlock and congestion.

Our journey begins by accessing Interstate 95 from the DC, Maryland, Virginia area, and terminates per spanning the Hudson River or Kills into the 5 boroughs. The Liberty Corridor through New Jersey is the intermediate stage and equates to playing the angles of the “kink” and reappearance of I-95 north of Trenton.

Yes, the I-95 gap is finally being completed at the time of this writing, with the construction of the 95 / Pennsylvania Turnpike interchange outside of Philadelphia.

Still, the fresh I-95 shields installed to cover the Pennsylvania Turnpike into New Jersey must not alter the course of Washington, D.C. drivers to points north. Our directives carry New Yorkers and Washingtonians through Baltimore and over the Delaware Bridge to the New Jersey Turnpike for New York City.

The goal is to skirt Philadelphia area congestion and navigate away from the I-95 / Delaware Expressway bottleneck.

Drivers must remember to carry decent amounts of cash to satisfy tolls in Baltimore, Delaware, New Jersey, and the NY-NJ Port Authority crossings into the Big Apple. The northbound trip costs $28.05 per cash tolls from DC to the I-95 / George Washington Bridge at the time of this writing.

Take I-95 “Baltimore”

Washington, D.C. and Maryland drivers must begin the trip per making the connection to I-95 North. 95 shares the Beltway with I-495 in Prince George’s County and control signage will flash “Baltimore” to mitigate confusion.

The fastest route to 95 “Baltimore” from the District is a combination of North Capitol Street and New Hampshire Avenue NE to the Maryland border. DC drivers will make a slight right onto New Hampshire from North Capitol, which transitions into MD 650 at the border.    

New Hampshire is a six-lane principal road from the DC-MD line to the Beltway exits in Silver Spring. Signage will read I-95 / 495 Baltimore and motorists will bear right on the highway to merge onto 95 North for Baltimore.

Maryland and Virginia drivers will trace the Capital Beltway to the 95 junction, which falls between Silver Spring and College Park, MD.

Fairfax County Beltway drivers per McLean, Tysons Corner, and Fairfax will follow the 495 Outer Loop for “Bethesda” and “Rockville” into Maryland.

Although the eponymous Baltimore-Washington Parkway does provide access to the Charm City, the roadway is a mere four lanes across, with limited service. Meanwhile, 95 accommodates drivers with eight lanes between DC and Baltimore.

I would advise that Washingtonians exit at 198 West for cheap gas in Burtonsville.

 I-95 / Baltimore to Kennedy Memorial Highway 

95 between DC and Baltimore offers full traffic counts at all times of day, deep into the early morning hours. Of course, Route 1, Route 29, and the B-W Parkway parallel the road through relatively lightly populated sections of the Baltimore-Washington area and heavy gridlock is quite rare.

One handy sign awaits 95 drivers in Howard County to list the corresponding mileage to Baltimore, Philadelphia, and New York from that point. Interstate 95 is heavily signed and serviced throughout Maryland.

Despite the opportunity to bypass downtown Baltimore per the I-695 / Beltway or I-895 / Harbor Tunnel Thruway, passenger vehicles should stay on 95 through Baltimore. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line and 95 cuts a direct swath through Charm City.

Motorists will enjoy views of downtown Baltimore prior to the Fort McHenry Tunnel. The Maryland Transportation Authority collects $2 tolls upon passenger vehicles in both directions for use of the tunnel.

Control signage begins to flash I-95 “New York” at Baltimore.

95 will then sky over the industrial sections of Baltimore City prior to the 695 and MD 43 exits which mark the outer limits of the Baltimore area. Motorists may be confronted with delays at this section as 95, 695, 895, and White Marsh sprawl all converge within the 5-mile stretch of road.

Interstate 95 – John F. Kennedy Memorial Highway remains six to eight lanes until the Delaware border. The highway is smooth sailing and the pace increases somewhat, as aggressive New York and New Jersey license plates and drivers begin to emerge in formation.

Northbound drivers will pay $5 tolls to span the Susquehanna River per I-95.

The Maryland House and Chesapeake House are two travel plazas, which occupy the 95 median in Harford and Cecil Counties.

The State of Maryland hosts I-95 for 110 miles.

I-95 / Delaware Turnpike to I-295 / Delaware Memorial Bridge.

Blink twice and you will miss the State of Delaware.

Maryland’s hilly topography gives way to the Coastal Plain in Delaware and the 95 carriage way becomes remarkably wide to facilitate toll booth traffic into the First State. Passenger vehicles are slapped with $4 tolls upon entering Delaware.

Control signage now reads I-95 “Wilmington” and “New York.”

New York City traffic will drift towards the right for the I-295 and I-495 approach, which will be heavily signed over the next 5 miles with “Delaware Bridge” and “NY / NJ” headers. The exit will also feature the iconic NJTP banner, which identifies the New Jersey Turnpike. 

Big Apple commuters will bear right for I-295 and the Delaware Memorial Bridge. This wide-open road skirts downtown Wilmington and traffic always appears relatively light leading up to the suspension bridge.

The towering bridge is free into New Jersey. However, $6 Delaware Bridge tolls await two-axle passenger vehicles upon the return trip south.

Welcome to the Garden State.

Remember, all New Jersey gas stations are full service and attendants should be tipped $1 - $5 at your discretion.

New Jersey Turnpike

New York City drivers will follow the NJTP shield for the New Jersey Turnpike. Elongated lane markings differentiate the road from the typical freeway.

Cash drivers will stop and pick up a ticket after entering The Turnpike. The ticket monitors distances traveled on this road and fees are charged requisite to the mileage. Passenger automobile motorists will pay $9.05 for traversing the 113-mile length of The Turnpike at the time of this writing.

The rules of the road enter a parallel universe at the New Jersey Turnpike.

The pace quickens even further, as brazen New York and New Jersey drivers often tear up the road at speeds greater than 100 miles per hour.

Turnpike exits are ordered sequentially as “1,2,3,4,” rather than per mileage traveled between borders. Exits will be spaced widely apart and sprawling interchanges have been put in place to collect tolls. Do not leave The Turnpike until reaching the New York City exits to preserve time and money.

The Turnpike features regular rest stops carrying the names of prominent Jersey natives to hawk gasoline and food.

Interestingly, the NJTP carries no numerical header throughout South Jersey. Signs may read “To 95” in a curious font that is distinct to this tolled road. (Pennsylvania Turnpike will carry 95 to NJ Turnpike at Exit 6 within the near future.)

Overall guide and mileage signage is nearly non-existent on the NJTP. Besides the “New York – 90 miles” sign, drivers must learn the lay of the land to appreciate distance.

The Turnpike is four lanes across and remains within earshot of I-295 to skirt Greater Philadelphia.

Exit 4 – NJ 73 is a critical interchange for Delaware Valley traffic and the NJTP picks up one additional lane (six lanes across) into Dayton, NJ. At this point, the I-95 shield magically appears and the Turnpike expands into its trademark, gargantuan dual complex for motor vehicle and truck traffic.

The Turnpike morphs into a four by four lane configuration in Central New Jersey. Exit ramps and access to rest stops are available from all main lines. This sweeping layout signals that drivers are indeed approaching New York City and the Tri State area.

I-95 becomes increasingly industrial into North Jersey and connotes the tough guy mentality that has become a staple of this locale.

New York – New Jersey Bridges and Tunnels

All New York City bridges and tunnels are accessible from the New Jersey Turnpike. The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey collects $8 tolls in cash ($6-$8 EZ-Pass) for passenger vehicles entering New York City.

Drivers must reconcile the Goethals, Holland, Lincoln, and George Washington crossings with the particular New York City borough that they wish to enter:

Exit 13 / I-278 / Goethals Bridge for Staten Island, Brooklyn, Queens, Long Island

Exit 14 / I-78 East NJTP Extension / Holland Tunnel for Lower Manhattan

Exit 16E / NJ 495 East / Lincoln Tunnel for Midtown Manhattan

Remain on 95 for GW Bridge to The Bronx via Washington Heights, Manhattan

The Lincoln Tunnel is of particular importance for tourists. This tunnel approach descends into the depths beneath the Hudson River per a helix approach that offers striking vistas of the Manhattan skyline.

The New Jersey Turnpike divides again prior to Exit 16E and runs concurrently overhead the New Jersey Meadowlands swamp. Motorists must take care to follow signage for the NJ 3 – NJ 495 Lincoln Tunnel and enter the correct branch of the Turnpike.

The Lincoln Tunnel exit is particularly treacherous for wide-eyed out-of-towners. Drivers must present Turnpike tickets at the tollbooths and fork over cash, prior to commingling with nasty local traffic completing the connection onto Route 1-9 or NJ 3.

Meanwhile, NJ 495 marks a depressed roadbed, which has been cut into rock. Despite the ridiculously narrow three-lane mainline, high speed traffic flow will run defensive drivers right off the road throughout non-rush periods.

Still, the harrowing journey is rewarding to drivers as the Empire State Building emerges within plain view.

New York, New York, the City of Dreams.

D.C. to NYC Summary Directions:

Take I-95 to Baltimore and the Delaware border for 100 miles.

Exit onto I-295 for the Delaware Bridge.

Enter New Jersey and trace the New Jersey Turnpike for New York City.

Take NJ Turnpike for 100 miles for the New York City crossings.

Typical Money Management Problems

Money management problems can affect any household or individual at any time. Living check-to-check with minimal savings are issues that arise from poor budgeting, living beyond one’s means and the confusion that is a result of the infinite number of financial products available. Of course, individuals that struggle with money management problems can overcome them with the right mindset and planning.

Budgeting Issues

Money management problems will arise at the personal level by being unable to account for the money coming into and out of the household. Individuals that cannot frame a realistic self-portrait of income, expense, assets and liabilities will be unable to plan accordingly for day-to-day expenses, let alone save money for a rainy day and retirement.

Spur of the moment purchases for dining, clothes and even big-ticket items are likely to happen when consumers do not know if these items are actually affordable. Impulse buying will lead to cash flow shortfalls.  

Poor Cash and Debt Management

Legions of Americans, from the working poor to the upper middle class are living from check to check. The Bureau of Economic Analysis charts minimal U.S. personal savings rates between 0 and 5 percent over the past decade. The data indicates that most citizens do not maintain the wherewithal to save and invest.

The temptation to pile on debt in order to consume, or simply make ends meet, remains a source for money management problems. Relaxed lending standards and arcane language will create a viscous cycle of minimal payments, interest charges, more purchases, and staggering debt loads, at best for the consumer.

Federal Reserve Board statistics show that Americans spent between 15 and 20 percent of disposable personal income upon household debt service payments and financial obligations over the past quarter century.  

Emergency

Any financial plan will be destroyed by a lack of savings and insurance heading into emergency. Emergency situations include job loss, divorce, disability, accidents, and health care payments. In fact, the August 2009 edition of The American Journal of Medicine calculates that 62.1 of bankruptcies are due to medical bills. Steffie Woolhandler, M.D. says, “Unless you’re a Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, you’re one illness away from financial ruin in this country.”   

Too Much Information

Financial literacy is far from mandatory coursework at any level of education. Households are often left to set budgets, take out insurance, efficiently pare down debt and invest for growth without ever being taught the basic terminology of personal finance. Meanwhile, consumers must sift through various conflicting information pertaining to banking, investment, and insurance products. Too much information leads to confusion, making mistakes, or simply doing nothing.

Solving Money Management Problems

Solving money management problems begins with the right mindset. Individuals must first acknowledge issues with cash flow, debt, and / or investment mistakes before pressing ahead. Next, current budgets and personal income statements are to be prepared from pay stubs, banking data, and receipts. Lastly, all individuals can educate themselves upon money management basics at the local library, bookstore, or legitimate online sources.

Money management problems can be worked through by driving towards a specific goal. Regular financial goals include income protection, building cash reserves, saving for retirement, and education funding. Every financial plan will be different, and tailored to the goals, income, and tolerance for risk of each household. 

Stocks Roll: What's Happening?

Americans recognize the fact that the stock market is breaking through annual highs with nearly every trading session. Big Finance has laid down the gauntlet that the recession is indeed, over. Counter intuitively, advancing share prices are leaving double-digit unemployment, state budget crises, and our shuttered real estate market well behind in the rear view mirror. Disconnect separating Wall Street from Main street is palpable, yet again.

What is happening?

The stock market is a discounting mechanism. Equities are not necessarily concerned with what is happening today. Rather, stock price fluctuations take their cues from what we think is going to happen tomorrow.

Intrinsic valuations are related to the growth of future cash flows, and the competitive returns earned upon that money if it were to be reinvested at the “risk-free” rate. Treasury securities are described as risk free because of the Federal government’s power to tax and run the printing presses to create dollars. Low interest rates make the future earnings potential of equities more attractive.

The Federal Reserve Board creates money by purchasing treasury securities through the Federal Open Market Committee. Doing so floods the market with cash, while the Fed effectively targets its preset federal funds rate.

Commercial banks hold reserves at the Federal Reserve Bank as a safeguard to the stability of the financial system. Banks that carry excess reserves make loans to banks that are short of their requirements, and charge interest. These loans are typically made overnight. Hence, the term “overnight lending rate.”

Today’s federal funds target rate is zero percent.

This unprecedented call to drop interest rates to the floor has emerged to manage the carnage of the worst economic event since the Great Depression. Financial intermediaries make money by borrowing capital and making loans or investments at higher rates of return than the interest that is paid out. The zero percent fed funds rate lowers the costs of capital and provides tail winds for the banks to recover.

Beyond the financials, industrial stocks had been completely bludgeoned during the 2008 rout—to the point where recovery was inevitable. The Dow Jones Industrial Average began to trade as if the Western model was doomed to fail. In fact, the market valued hundreds of companies at lower levels than the amount of cash held on the books. At the moment, profits are “up,” because of comparisons to last year’s horror, and aggressive cost cutting.   

Time will tell whether the current trend upwards is actually generating real value, as opposed to the smoke and mirrors gimmickry of high finance.

Where am I?

Hey buddies.

I haven't blogged in a while, I noticed.

I started to get paid for my writing in earnest, so I have not been on here as much. The blog pays zero, but I have made over $1,000 posting work to Associated Content. I also recently started writing for Demand Studios and have made a quick $315 for 21 articles that range from 400-500 words (Most articles will show up on eHow). Bloggers should check into setting up accounts at both sites to make some ends on the side. 

I will look to find a more happy medium between the three. 

Sometimes I will post whole articles over here. Sometimes I will just post links.

Associated Content pays by page views or "hits" and I don't want to cannibalize my own traffic.

Do you think I do anything for free?

Please...

FICTION: The Road

"The Road" takes people to wherever they wish to go.

He had not expected to receive a letter from her:

Jocelyn Brooks

1987 Fairfield Lane

Pearl, Mississippi 39208

Daniel retrieved the envelope, which had been lying buried beneath a stack of bills and junk mail for quite some time, as evidenced by the small sprinkling of dust upon the paperwork. Time stopped for the burly gentleman as he admired the delicate script of Miss Brooks, as if he were handling fine porcelain.

It had been nearly two years to this day that he had crossed paths with this woman. He was to think about the chance encounter every day, as the unreal emotions were seared into his very being. Daniel relaxed his taut shoulders and exhaled as he recollected the events from that summer in Mississippi of ’07.

He thought back to the monotony of the road. That evening, Daniel had picked up a load of fasteners, crates, and assorted shards of metal from New Orleans, set to be delivered at Chicago within the next 72 hours. The young truck driver had completed the Chicago – Louisiana connection several times over the years and recognized every rest stop, exit, highway marker, and crease along Interstate 55 like the back of his hand.

Daniel exited the highway at Crystal Springs to gas up, consume his standard plain ham and cheese sandwich fare, and shut her down for the night at Joe’s Truck Stop.

Tireless days on the road had hardened this everyday warrior into a loner – content to check the sports section, plan the route, and radio his dispatcher after a hearty meal.

“The Bears draft Matt Forte out of Tulane? Never heard of him.”

At that moment, Daniel heard the coo of soft voices and schoolgirl giggling. Daniel was far from green and recognized the concept of working girls turning tricks on the road for pocket money. The man never took an interest to these exchanges and remained focused upon his paper.

“Cubs Lose. Of, course.”

While drifting into thoughts of riding the el to Wrigley Field, the trucker felt a persistent tap at this back shoulder, and aggressively wheeled around to confront this floosie – woman.

“Wha---“

The boiling rage evaporated from the hulking driver as he was confronted and immediately captivated by the definition of feminine grace. The Belle opened with the measured drawl of Southern manners:

“Mistuh. Ah thank ah made a wrung tuhn off tha Inuhstate. Do you know how to git to Gates-vuh?”

Daniel unfurled a tattered pocket map of Mississippi to help direct this young woman. He remained spellbound, if not intimidated by her pure beauty. The female had moseyed up to the counter without make up and sported cut-off shorts, a white fitted top, red sandals, and aviator shades.

Her caramel skin, luscious hair, and soft curves effortlessly illuminated the drab interior and lightened the bawdy atmosphere of the station. Daniel shifted his focus away from these gentle looks to her airy, yet sensual fragrance and blurted out an invitation for her to join him for dinner at the booth.

“Why, ah wuld lyke that. Whut’s yer name?”

“Daniel. Daniel Ryan.”

The two began to make small talk and Daniel was to quickly appreciate the fact that this petite Belle was far from a cupcake. Jocelyn Brooks had lost everything amidst the wreckage of Hurricane Katrina, which ripped through her Gulf Coast home in 2005. She moved to Jackson and was taking classes to become a nurse.

“A nurse, huh?”

Dan Ryan followed with a wry smile, as he entertained the fantasy of this woman catering to him while parading around in her nurse’s outfit. No, that would never work. He would never see this woman again, he thought.

At that moment, Jocelyn turned on her Southern charms, whipped around her locks, bit her lips, and met his eyes for one solid count, before fluttering her eyelashes. She knew of this Blues club up the road towards Jackson and wanted to treat this stranger to a drink and a show per his help and good company.

“I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

She wanted to ride the Big Rig.

Miss Brooks sat captivated as the trucker waxed poetic about Lucille, the road, and City Life. The woman’s large, doe-ish eyes continued to melt with affection, and the tension built with every lane marking flashing upon the concrete road. Dan Ryan felt her eyes glowering upon his chocolate muscles and noticed her womanly look of relaxed intrigue as she fell silent and began to shuffle about in her seat.

Daniel dug out an old D’Angelo compact disc to match the mood.

“I want some of your Brown sugar.”

The two never quite made it to that jazz club up the road that night. 

*I wrote this in response to a random prompt...

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to...

Chicago public transportation is pretty good.

Metra commuter rail service is the best in the country. In terms of the Windy City, the North Side gets the best coverage. The Red and Blue Lines offer 24-hour service, which is a boon for night owls. The shortfalls of the CTA include delays, crumbling structures, and overall griminess.

I do think that Chicago, New York, and San Francisco feature the best public transportation networks in the country. Of course, New York City is light years ahead and is the only American mass transit hub that is comparable to London, Moscow, or Tokyo.

The Washington, D.C. Metro is the most aesthetically appealing.

Meanwhile, public transportation in Los Angeles, Detroit, Miami, and Atlanta is a total joke.

I will post links to some articles that I have written in the past to help people get around Chicago by taking public transportation. One ride costs $2.25 at the moment.

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to Loop (Downtown)

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to Magnificent Mile

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to Midway Airport

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to Navy Pier

Taking Chicago Public Transportation for Nightlife

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to O'Hare Airport

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to Sears Tower (Willis Tower)

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to United Center

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to U.S. Cellular Field  

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to and from University of Chicago

Taking Chicago Public Transportation to Wrigley Field

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Your City

Yes, I have written all of these. I will be adding more here and there:

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Atlanta, Georgia

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Baltimore, Maryland

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Boston, Massachusetts

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Chicago, Illinois

Northwest Indiana

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Cleveland, Ohio

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Dallas, Texas

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Denver, Colorado

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Detroit, Michigan

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Houston, Texas

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Indianapolis, Indiana

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Kansas City

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Los Angeles, California

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Miami - Dade, Florida

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Minneapolis, Minnesota

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in New York City

Brooklyn

Bronx

Manhattan

Queens

Staten Island

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Norfolk, Virginia

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Phoenix, Arizona

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Raleigh - Durham, NC

Chapel Hill

Durham

Raleigh

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in St. Louis, Missouri

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Salt Lake City, Utah

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in San Antonio, Texas

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in San Diego, California

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in San Francisco, California

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Seattle, Washington

Where to Buy Cheap Gas at Virginia Beach, Virginia

Where to Buy Cheap Gas in Washington, D.C.

Howard County, Maryland

Montgomery County, Maryland

Prince George's County, Maryland

To summarize: 

Gas is cheap the closer that you are to the Gulf Coast and according to the gas taxes of your state. California, Chicago, and the Northeast (except New Jersey) always have the highest priced gas because of taxes and distance to the Gulf.

Locally, gas prices generally spike within the wealthy neighborhoods, or at major bottlenecks.

Bronx, NY is the worst place that I have seen for buying gas. The Bronx is NYC's poorest borough, but gas prices spike here because The BX is a focal point for Connecticut, New Jersey, and Westchester County traffic funneling into Manhattan. The Bronx is surrounded by some of the most well-to-do municipalities in America and The I-95 / Cross Bronx is a notoriously congested roadway.

I think that the State of New Jersey is the best place for buying gas.

NJ gas taxes are dirt cheap and all filling stations are full service. The Garden State is a Dream, considering the fact that Jersey, Connecticut, and Maryland always battle each other for the designation of richest state.

Maybe the cheap gas makes up for the steep tolls on the Turnpike and into NYC...

The Best Cities for the Black Middle Class?

Stay Close to I-95 and the Fall Line, brother...

I am about to write an article detailing the Best Cities for the Black Middle Class.

Preliminaries:

10: Miami - L.A. (There aren't too many Black people here - but at least you are in paradise!)

9: Raleigh - Durham, NC

8: Baltimore, MD

7: Dallas, TX

6: Charlotte, NC

5: Chicago, IL

4: Houston, TX

3: New York City

2: Atlanta

1: Washington, D.C.

This topic will take a while to figure out and maybe you guys could help me out in terms of what you think. I may switch the order around, but Atlanta and DC are the two leading cities for the Black middle class by far. I may be willing to flip-flop the two.

If nobody says anything, I will just make a go at it on my own.

Atlanta, DC, Maryland, and Northern Virginia are almost like entering a quasi Universe in America.

New York is New York, and the Texas cities are very welcoming to Californians.

Meanwhile, don't even get me started on Chicago.

I am just waiting on somebody to hijack this thread and start talking about Obama and Hyde Park and that Chicago should be number one.

Not really.

Dating and Relationships: Are you a Loser with Women?

Hey Buddy: Are you a Loser with Women? 

Sigh.

Yet another dateless weekend at home alone with Bowser, one six – pack of Mountain Dew, Microsoft Xbox 360, and your mint condition collection of baseball cards. I mean, really; how many different simulations, player trades, and meaningless regular season records must you shatter before even Madden Football gets old?

Pow! What a hit!

It’s 11:00 p.m. on a Friday night and you have already changed into your 2001 Marshall High School “Seniors” garb to get ready for bed, only to lay up staring at the ceiling deep into the early morning hours – fantasizing about the type of women you wish you could get. All viable “options” in your little black book have already been exhausted. Sadly, you are accustomed to this misery and have become resigned to being rejected by women.

Natasha? She is a cutie. But, man, you have been trying to holla at ‘ol girl for the past two years!

She did say something about “getting up some time after work” for drinks this evening. You, the dutiful puppy dog thoughtfully rang at 6:00 p.m. sharp to give her time to return home and get settled. Although you are brimming with excitement – you know to play it cool:

“There is this great dive bar around the way with good food and maybe we could catch a flick at the Loews Cinema on Western Ave, afterwards.”

“Yes. We will just keep it light on the friends tip, right? Don’t worry. I won’t even try to grope you (again). It’s whatever.”

“Yeah. Yeah. 10 o’clock. I will call you back,” she says.

Pow! What a hit!

Your Madden franchise quarterback is now out for the season. Shut it down, fire up the PS2 and check out how many cars CJ can steal or blow up at San Andreas over the course of 90 seconds. 

This really is the life. Right, Bowser? 

Good dog. 

You have been suited and booted for the past two hours. Check that. You thought about getting suited and booted but decided to kill ‘em on the Pharrell Williams – Usher Raymond tip. 15 minutes ago, you changed into your $350 True Religion jeans, Banana Republic sport coat, fitted Hugo Boss shirt, and sharp Prada kicks to complete the look.

Oh, yes. Don’t forget the fresh Jean Paul Gaultier cologne!

Dag. It’s 10:15 already? Time flies after just doing 1,287 push ups to kill time, while waiting for this female to call back. I don’t know how you could have missed her call. Maybe the Blackberry was on silent, or something. Check the missed calls. Nothing?

O.K. My Verizon acts funny in here. Go outside and check your messages. Nothing?

Be easy, dude. You know how women are. She is probably getting ready. You know, trying to look all good for you, and what not. Wait 5 minutes and call her at 10:20.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hi. This is Tasha. I am not able to get to my phone right now. But if you…”

Alright. Alright. She is definitely in the ladies room getting all pretty and powdered up. What’s that perfume that she wears? She better have that on tonight. You dismissed any idea of actually washing your shirt for two straight weeks after that last hug. Didn’t you sleep next to that raggedy thing - just because it had her scent on it?  

Whatever. Let’s see here. Where is that send button?

Straight to voice mail.

“Hi. This is Tash…”

“WTF!?!?!?”

She is really just not that into you. I think Tasha went out with Black, Lance, or James, tonight. Black is the tattooed up thug, with 4 kids, 3 baby mommas, two Chevrolet Caprice Classics on dubs, and one large bankroll. Lance is the off and on boyfriend that emotionally checked out of the relationship years ago; and James is the unemployed alcoholic with no furniture. We, ahem, I mean they all have their way with your precious flower, almost just for kicks. Those…those…jerks!

Yeah. That’s it.

Tasha would never do what? Clearly, you don’t know the Natasha that I know. Hmph.

Show’s over tonight. Wrap it up and don’t even think about calling your ex girlfriend. Carla is obviously over the situation and refuses to proactively contact you at any level beyond Twitter. Honestly, I think she pities you and keeps your memories around simply to boost her own confidence. Your pathetic fawning only activates her esteem and puts her back into the game to deal with the real men that she actually prefers. Forget her.

That psycho chick was some piece of work. Remember, she dumped you too.

Let’s just regroup, reflect, and take a serious look at the man in the mirror.

Are you a loser with women?

Check it out. The bottom 10-5 half of this algorithm represents metrics that may be worked around in the intermediate term and your success with women will quickly improve with care and the right amount of thoughtful Game. Maintaining qualities at the 4-1 top of the order is a Death Sentence that must be aggressively corralled over the long term.

If not, you just might be hopeless.

These are the top-ten reasons why women reject you:

Reasons #10 to #5 to be Rejected by Women: There is Still Hope for you, yet!

#10: You are Ugly

My goal is not to stoke your confidence with false “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” rhetoric and assorted drivel, so that I may peddle some 12-step dating seminar to the public. Neither will I degrade the biology of womanhood by intimating that women are oblivious to looks in regards to selecting a mate.

Maybe, you just don’t look good enough.

However, we will attempt to mitigate the affects of this gene pool Game of Chance. First, obsessing over the uncontrollable is pure madness. Secondly, there are particular aspects of coping with unattractiveness that must be implemented by all men from Tom Brady to Denzel Washington. Remember, all men have been played to the left at some point in time; and a common complaint of good looking men centers upon the sight of young bombshells choosing to date romantic partners that are short, old, fat, bald, and absolutely hideous.

What is the Magic behind these Beauty and the Beast relationships?

Pure attraction is built upon wit, charm, grace, worldliness, and excitement. Of course, these aspects of one’s persona cannot be feigned and must be built through experience and the overall acceptance of self. Average and funny looking men that are successful with women recognize this fact.

Pretty boys are too busy buying clothes and loving themselves to cope.

#9: You are broke

Yes, it can be pretty hard to get a date if you live with your Momma and your bank balance reads $87.12 one week before payday; and yes, women do cite financial security as a primary attribute postulated to qualify suitors. All jokes aside, grown females will date the identical twin doctor over his burger -flipping brother nine times out of ten.

Certainly, cynics that read through my aforementioned Beauty and the Beast corollary sneered:

“Ugly men that have money can get any woman they want!”

Not so fast, young grasshopper.

Using money as a direct means to procure the attention of women is referred to as prostitution. I must argue that entering the Dating Game with a stack of cash, as one’s only lure is a waste of time. Why even bother? Candy hasn’t missed one night of work out at Cicero Avenue and will hook you up for $50 without the games, intrigue, attitude, and eighteen years worth of alimony payments.

This is always tricking – even if you got it.

Are you a Trick – John or a Mack?

Basically, women should be paying you for your company in some way, shape, or form. Females will be happy to do this – if you are actually bringing the goods to the table. Again, men must supply charm, wit, and experience, in order to do so.

Money is no issue, literally.

#8: Wrong Target

Get in, where you fit in, player.

Basically, do not waste time attempting to woo females that are really not that into you. Men that are successful with women shift the paradigm to force the woman to prove that she is indeed, worthy. Have you people never watched reality television?

These women are falling all over themselves to thwart the competition and win the Prize. This is Economics 101. Limited supply and intense demand always drive up prices and value.

Well…

Drop any female that is not willing to put in the work to garner your attention.

The woman should recognize early into the Game that she could very well be replaced with legions of fawning prospects, real, or imagined. Of course, this strict postulate demands enthusiasm and ironclad loyalty upon her part, and consequently shrinks the available dating pool for millions of men. However, the mandate is quite necessary to weed out gold diggers, superficial types, and flaky women that “learn to love us.” I find it impossible to be a man while kowtowing to some disinterested female and pulling out all the stops to convince her to like me.

Why must I negotiate the bride price to buy love?

Rather than selling out into the hype, males should recalibrate and work on themselves. A man should spend more time being a man and building himself to attract real, quality relationships, than pining over the Wrong Target ghost woman that only marks time with his feelings. 

Your woman must be Down for you at all costs.

#7: You are a jerk

Wait.

Jerks and Bad Boys get all the girls, right?

Not exactly.

Jerks and thugs merely excel at one-half of the equation through default. By definition, narcissists seize control, lead, play by their own rules, and refuse to worship others. These qualities are what define real men and are attractive to women.

Consequently, Bad Boys will also take credit for every positive endeavor - yet shirk responsibility and blame others for all ills concerning their respective corner of society. Said mentality fosters the up and down, boom and bust relationships that effectively batter the psyches of all parties.

Remember, dating and relationships are often fueled with emotion, rather than pure logic.

Dramatically confused women will gravitate towards this excitement and break up to make up pattern. All women will flee the Bad Boy, eventually. Although she may remain at his side, physically, her trusting spirit has been long gone.  

Do not systematically make your self into a jerk to get women.

#6: You are ignorant

Specifically, what is it that you, as a man, are bringing to the table?

Hey stupid. You cannot get a woman if you are sitting there wide eyed and bumping your gums with regurgitated John Doe nonsense. One must offer up a measure of intelligence to stoke the flames of mystery and attraction. Ironically, sheer book knowledge is not mandatory, and is often an impediment to success with women.

I am defining intelligence as real world experience.

The worldly man provides all the answers and commands respect. The worldly man weaves daring stories by nature, at which he centers himself as the epic hero of the captivating tale. Obviously, leadership qualities, fantasy, and excitement are attractive to women.

How may one fashion himself as a trailblazer if he has not explored the environs outside of his own block, literally?

Men must travel, read, build, embrace, and conquer the unknown to build knowledge of self.

#5: No Reason

Sometimes there is nothing that a man can do.

You may have played the particular situation perfectly and still remain on the outside looking in. Maybe, just maybe, she was having a bad day, lost her phone, or is running late. This “no reason” clause is not to shift culpability onto wayward women that cannot identify one good man. Quite the contrary, the fifth reason to be rejected by women allows for the uncontrollable.

Real men must retool, rather than blasting and ridiculing females for any ongoing pattern of abject dismissal. Losers with women waste precious man-hours crying, flailing, and demeaning their former targets. Doing so is a wretched disservice to both parties.  

Indeed, ignorant, broke, and / or ugly jerks that pick the wrong women and are rejected for no reason can still achieve limited amounts of success with the fairer sex. These men may also transform from duds into studs with relatively meager efforts.  

Reasons #4 - #1 to be Rejected by Women: You are a Total Basket Case. Do not Approach any Female until you get your Life Together.

#4: You are boring

Do something.

Anything.

Representatives of the faceless masses perpetually approach women and telegraph the very same, tired lines and program. The pitch: “Can I talk to you? What’s your name? Do you have a boyfriend? Let’s do dinner and a movie on Friday night? I love you.”

Frankly, the monotony gets old. Understand that our mothers, self-help books, total logic, and gulp, rejection, and the slow death of one’s self esteem have wired thousands of men to execute this blueprint approach.

Dare to be different. Meeting women is supposed to be fun, right?

Practice engaging, situational conversation on the one on one level. People avoid social situations that degenerate towards awkward, business-like vanilla interviews. Of course, women pine for the allure of mystery and excitement. Naturally, grabbing life by the reins and your full participation amidst a litany of activities will lead to a variety of conversation pieces and inviting opportunities to game your prospective lady friend.  

Do not flirt and communicate with women as targets, objects, staid wives, long – term girlfriends, business partners, and platonic companions. Train your verbal skills and approach to deal with these females as if they were that casual fling from the Summer of 2007. Learn to flirt without any pressure to submit towards the expectations.

Essentially, men do what they want, irrespective of society’s legislated convention.

Do something.

#3: You put women on a Pedestal

Put no woman, or man for that matter, upon a pedestal.

We are all fallible and even Barack Obama and Beyonce Knowles use the bathroom and pass gas.

Yes, even Beyonce!

The belief that any human being can achieve perfection is a complete falsehood that will only lead to disappointment. The uplifted person is heretofore transformed into an objectified machine and forced to fall in line, conforming to a program that is impossible to meet. Ironically, women placed upon a true pedestal often boldly reject the antagonist, or simply disappear through passive aggressive behavior. Meanwhile, the man is selling himself short, actually subjugating his very own needs in exchange to fulfill the every whim of some woman.

For the masses, this pedestal paradigm typically manifests itself amidst elite circles.

The political and business spectrum will always be marred by the “scandal” of men and women that have been painted into corners to behave in a manner that society wishes for them to behave. This is why some “good girls” actually do prefer “thugs.” The female is more so comfortable around men that will challenge her petty games - yet allow her to let her hair down, curse like a sailor, and even prance around like a raging sex kitten without having to write some formal dissertation.

All “good girls” love being “bad.”

Individually, men often make the mistake that a woman is “too pretty” or “too smart” for the rigamarole. These simps then proceed to hide their own carnal personality and demean themselves with 3-ring circus antics to impress some female that only becomes less and less interested.

Just be your self; and if she doesn’t like it, she can walk.

She wasn’t all that, anyway.

Hmph.  

#2: You have no Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is the ultimate keystone that belies all interactions with women.

Again, man is imperfect and suitors must maintain the requisite amounts of self-esteem to forge ahead, despite any inherent weaknesses. The true gentleman values and appreciates himself enough to recognize that he is indeed worthy of a partner that will satisfy his wants. This bold decree requires courage to Play the Game wholeheartedly, risk the pain of rejection, and refuse to settle.

Essentially, what is the difference separating success with women from success at life?

Get your Mind right. Get your Life together.

#1: You are not a Man

Women want Men. Period.

Man up and act like a Real Man.

She Will Not Call me Back. What Should I Do?

12:22 and this female still hasn't called!

She will not call me back. What should I do?

“Hey. This is Jennifer. I am unable to get to my phone right now. Please leave a message and I will call you back.”

Yeah. Right.

Look player, there is a fundamental problem lurking somewhere beneath the fray for this woman to rarely answer her phone, call back sporadically, or completely ignore your calls, altogether. Quite frankly, what we have here is a failure to communicate and the following steps are contingent upon your assessment of the woman’s interest level.

Men must accurately gauge the difference between women that simply are not interested from those that are merely upping the ante with gamesmanship for the typical boy meets girl mating dance. The suitor may have also painted himself into a corner as a “Nice Guy” or even laid the foundation to build his very own dog house with the target female.

This guide details what to do when a woman will not call you back at various levels.

My Wife – Girlfriend will not Call me Back. What Should I do?

This scenario does not equate to putting your woman under virtual house arrest by using her cell phone as a tracking device. This lack of respect translates into your wife or girlfriend being almost nearly unreachable during particular time periods, or completely vanishing for 24 hours or more – with no explanation.  

You have got serious problems.

Your own woman does not want to talk to you?

Proceed by calmly introducing an emergency scenario in which you are stranded, wrongly jailed, or laid up at Stroger Hospital – unable to reach the woman of your life within a timely manner. If your significant other is not scared stiff and refuses to correct the lack of return calls immediately – this relationship has even more serious problems than we both thought.

Perhaps the female is out cheating on you. Maybe she just doesn’t care.

Proceed to up the ante by getting a life because clinginess is a huge turn off to anybody.

Leave if the issue persists.

My Friend with Benefits will not Call me Back. What Should I do?

Dude.

Why are you wasting your time calling this Cougar / Married Woman / Friend with Benefits female during business hours? You are merely a hired gun and your sole purpose is to deliver the goods for whatever reason. She may be unavailable to talk late at night because she is spending cuddle time with her number one man and family. She may also refuse to engage in wistful pillow talk over the phone with another wide-eyed schmuck that could easily break up her “happy” home.

There are some situations where the female will rebuke the risks of forging any emotional attachment.

At this point, you must make the call.

Know your boy-toy role. This means that all attempts to reach this woman are specifically to set up a meet. Please cut the “getting to know you” fluffery. She already has plenty of acquaintances in place for all of that.

Stand up or stand down.

On the flip side, this woman may have long grown tired of toiling as a “special friend” or sidepiece without making things “official.” At this point of no return, I suggest that you play it cool and continue calling as if nothing were amiss. Do not look weak and instigate the “where is this going?” spiel.

She is emotionally in limbo and aggressively broaching the subject to her before she is ready to deal with these feelings may very well place her into the aforementioned category of disinterested girlfriend. Besides, she has already been acting flaky and “less” is indeed “more” at this point.

Space your call pattern further and further apart towards one-week intervals for the next thirty days before giving up. Retreat until she either calls months later or you cross her path at random. Either way, she must be acknowledged as the party that dropped the communication ball and should be obligated to declare her intentions with a sit down heart to heart.

Still, be resigned to the fact that you may never see or hear from this woman again.

Now. Go find a female that is more so agreeable towards your relationship needs.   

She Gave me her Phone Number but now She Will Not Call me Back. What Should I do?

Where did you go wrong?

Obviously, you have not created a level of excitement worthy enough for this female to anxiously await your call. This contrary predicament is often the function of a weak approach, boring voice messages, and ultimately timing. You just may have picked the wrong one.

Maybe she has decided to work things out with her off and on boyfriend while you were sitting there looking stupid. Maybe she was turned off by the fact that you called her the next day on Saturday evening while you were firing up Madden and looking like a total Lame-O.

Don’t you know anything about women?

Better your chances by waiting a few days to call. Preferably, telephone her on the evenings from Sunday to Wednesday. This way, you can operate as a man about town that is obviously booked solid during peak time social hour and still be well positioned to score a date with this female for the weekend.

The entire purpose of this first phone call is to set up face time.

Of course, I remain absolutely convinced that some women randomly exchange numbers with any fool simply to garner attention. Maybe this female actually gets off upon the male fawn fest of simpletons throwing themselves at her and engaging in this twisted Battle Royale under the pretense crumbs of affection. Avoid these trifling attention mongerers at all costs.

Did you even properly screen this female at the point of approach?

Where is she from? Is she single? Does she have girlfriends?

If she is indeed, unattached, and can barely get along with other women and all of her “friends” are guys – you are in big trouble, Mister! In all likelihood, she is a self-centered limelight seeker and the only groups of individuals capable of putting up with her draining antics are desperate men, close family, and Toby, her pet cat.

Yes, the purpose of the initial approach is threefold: build interest, qualify, and introduce vague plans for the next encounter.

Remember, you were supposed to get the scouting report detailing the area in which she lives and a rough outline of her schedule from the gate. Still, sticking to the following script may save face and the situation:

“Hey. I know this (cool place) by (where the girl lives or where you met her). I will be (doing something cool) out there on (evening time when you know she is in the area or day of the week if you are uncertain of her availability) and I would love for you to drop by and hang out.”

Bingo.

Do you see how sweet we just played it?

Now, you have options.

Never mind the fact that you were actually poised for yet another night of Xbox 360. In one fell swoop; you have now transformed into a manly, distinguished socialite that is thoughtful enough to ask for her company. Yes, you will be within close range of her location checking out an art exhibit, shooting ball with the guys, or playing pool with Jay Cutler at the very same time that she “happens” to be home!

Whatever. Just make sure that you are doing something that does not appear as smokescreen to get a date. No, we would never stoop so low…

Of course, there is no pressure on this female to deal with yet another greasy suitor that cannot take a hint. This is an open invitation that can go either way and her designs will be effectively exposed. Any reasonably interested woman will return this phone call and negotiate a good time to meet.

Stay California Cool on the phone – but be certain to put out flirtatious vibes on Date Night. If not, you will run the risk of stalling beneath the shackles of the wretched friend zone. 

She still didn’t call you back?

Find a better-looking woman.