Dating and Relationships: Are you a Loser with Women?

Hey Buddy: Are you a Loser with Women? 

Sigh.

Yet another dateless weekend at home alone with Bowser, one six – pack of Mountain Dew, Microsoft Xbox 360, and your mint condition collection of baseball cards. I mean, really; how many different simulations, player trades, and meaningless regular season records must you shatter before even Madden Football gets old?

Pow! What a hit!

It’s 11:00 p.m. on a Friday night and you have already changed into your 2001 Marshall High School “Seniors” garb to get ready for bed, only to lay up staring at the ceiling deep into the early morning hours – fantasizing about the type of women you wish you could get. All viable “options” in your little black book have already been exhausted. Sadly, you are accustomed to this misery and have become resigned to being rejected by women.

Natasha? She is a cutie. But, man, you have been trying to holla at ‘ol girl for the past two years!

She did say something about “getting up some time after work” for drinks this evening. You, the dutiful puppy dog thoughtfully rang at 6:00 p.m. sharp to give her time to return home and get settled. Although you are brimming with excitement – you know to play it cool:

“There is this great dive bar around the way with good food and maybe we could catch a flick at the Loews Cinema on Western Ave, afterwards.”

“Yes. We will just keep it light on the friends tip, right? Don’t worry. I won’t even try to grope you (again). It’s whatever.”

“Yeah. Yeah. 10 o’clock. I will call you back,” she says.

Pow! What a hit!

Your Madden franchise quarterback is now out for the season. Shut it down, fire up the PS2 and check out how many cars CJ can steal or blow up at San Andreas over the course of 90 seconds. 

This really is the life. Right, Bowser? 

Good dog. 

You have been suited and booted for the past two hours. Check that. You thought about getting suited and booted but decided to kill ‘em on the Pharrell Williams – Usher Raymond tip. 15 minutes ago, you changed into your $350 True Religion jeans, Banana Republic sport coat, fitted Hugo Boss shirt, and sharp Prada kicks to complete the look.

Oh, yes. Don’t forget the fresh Jean Paul Gaultier cologne!

Dag. It’s 10:15 already? Time flies after just doing 1,287 push ups to kill time, while waiting for this female to call back. I don’t know how you could have missed her call. Maybe the Blackberry was on silent, or something. Check the missed calls. Nothing?

O.K. My Verizon acts funny in here. Go outside and check your messages. Nothing?

Be easy, dude. You know how women are. She is probably getting ready. You know, trying to look all good for you, and what not. Wait 5 minutes and call her at 10:20.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hi. This is Tasha. I am not able to get to my phone right now. But if you…”

Alright. Alright. She is definitely in the ladies room getting all pretty and powdered up. What’s that perfume that she wears? She better have that on tonight. You dismissed any idea of actually washing your shirt for two straight weeks after that last hug. Didn’t you sleep next to that raggedy thing - just because it had her scent on it?  

Whatever. Let’s see here. Where is that send button?

Straight to voice mail.

“Hi. This is Tash…”

“WTF!?!?!?”

She is really just not that into you. I think Tasha went out with Black, Lance, or James, tonight. Black is the tattooed up thug, with 4 kids, 3 baby mommas, two Chevrolet Caprice Classics on dubs, and one large bankroll. Lance is the off and on boyfriend that emotionally checked out of the relationship years ago; and James is the unemployed alcoholic with no furniture. We, ahem, I mean they all have their way with your precious flower, almost just for kicks. Those…those…jerks!

Yeah. That’s it.

Tasha would never do what? Clearly, you don’t know the Natasha that I know. Hmph.

Show’s over tonight. Wrap it up and don’t even think about calling your ex girlfriend. Carla is obviously over the situation and refuses to proactively contact you at any level beyond Twitter. Honestly, I think she pities you and keeps your memories around simply to boost her own confidence. Your pathetic fawning only activates her esteem and puts her back into the game to deal with the real men that she actually prefers. Forget her.

That psycho chick was some piece of work. Remember, she dumped you too.

Let’s just regroup, reflect, and take a serious look at the man in the mirror.

Are you a loser with women?

Check it out. The bottom 10-5 half of this algorithm represents metrics that may be worked around in the intermediate term and your success with women will quickly improve with care and the right amount of thoughtful Game. Maintaining qualities at the 4-1 top of the order is a Death Sentence that must be aggressively corralled over the long term.

If not, you just might be hopeless.

These are the top-ten reasons why women reject you:

Reasons #10 to #5 to be Rejected by Women: There is Still Hope for you, yet!

#10: You are Ugly

My goal is not to stoke your confidence with false “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” rhetoric and assorted drivel, so that I may peddle some 12-step dating seminar to the public. Neither will I degrade the biology of womanhood by intimating that women are oblivious to looks in regards to selecting a mate.

Maybe, you just don’t look good enough.

However, we will attempt to mitigate the affects of this gene pool Game of Chance. First, obsessing over the uncontrollable is pure madness. Secondly, there are particular aspects of coping with unattractiveness that must be implemented by all men from Tom Brady to Denzel Washington. Remember, all men have been played to the left at some point in time; and a common complaint of good looking men centers upon the sight of young bombshells choosing to date romantic partners that are short, old, fat, bald, and absolutely hideous.

What is the Magic behind these Beauty and the Beast relationships?

Pure attraction is built upon wit, charm, grace, worldliness, and excitement. Of course, these aspects of one’s persona cannot be feigned and must be built through experience and the overall acceptance of self. Average and funny looking men that are successful with women recognize this fact.

Pretty boys are too busy buying clothes and loving themselves to cope.

#9: You are broke

Yes, it can be pretty hard to get a date if you live with your Momma and your bank balance reads $87.12 one week before payday; and yes, women do cite financial security as a primary attribute postulated to qualify suitors. All jokes aside, grown females will date the identical twin doctor over his burger -flipping brother nine times out of ten.

Certainly, cynics that read through my aforementioned Beauty and the Beast corollary sneered:

“Ugly men that have money can get any woman they want!”

Not so fast, young grasshopper.

Using money as a direct means to procure the attention of women is referred to as prostitution. I must argue that entering the Dating Game with a stack of cash, as one’s only lure is a waste of time. Why even bother? Candy hasn’t missed one night of work out at Cicero Avenue and will hook you up for $50 without the games, intrigue, attitude, and eighteen years worth of alimony payments.

This is always tricking – even if you got it.

Are you a Trick – John or a Mack?

Basically, women should be paying you for your company in some way, shape, or form. Females will be happy to do this – if you are actually bringing the goods to the table. Again, men must supply charm, wit, and experience, in order to do so.

Money is no issue, literally.

#8: Wrong Target

Get in, where you fit in, player.

Basically, do not waste time attempting to woo females that are really not that into you. Men that are successful with women shift the paradigm to force the woman to prove that she is indeed, worthy. Have you people never watched reality television?

These women are falling all over themselves to thwart the competition and win the Prize. This is Economics 101. Limited supply and intense demand always drive up prices and value.

Well…

Drop any female that is not willing to put in the work to garner your attention.

The woman should recognize early into the Game that she could very well be replaced with legions of fawning prospects, real, or imagined. Of course, this strict postulate demands enthusiasm and ironclad loyalty upon her part, and consequently shrinks the available dating pool for millions of men. However, the mandate is quite necessary to weed out gold diggers, superficial types, and flaky women that “learn to love us.” I find it impossible to be a man while kowtowing to some disinterested female and pulling out all the stops to convince her to like me.

Why must I negotiate the bride price to buy love?

Rather than selling out into the hype, males should recalibrate and work on themselves. A man should spend more time being a man and building himself to attract real, quality relationships, than pining over the Wrong Target ghost woman that only marks time with his feelings. 

Your woman must be Down for you at all costs.

#7: You are a jerk

Wait.

Jerks and Bad Boys get all the girls, right?

Not exactly.

Jerks and thugs merely excel at one-half of the equation through default. By definition, narcissists seize control, lead, play by their own rules, and refuse to worship others. These qualities are what define real men and are attractive to women.

Consequently, Bad Boys will also take credit for every positive endeavor - yet shirk responsibility and blame others for all ills concerning their respective corner of society. Said mentality fosters the up and down, boom and bust relationships that effectively batter the psyches of all parties.

Remember, dating and relationships are often fueled with emotion, rather than pure logic.

Dramatically confused women will gravitate towards this excitement and break up to make up pattern. All women will flee the Bad Boy, eventually. Although she may remain at his side, physically, her trusting spirit has been long gone.  

Do not systematically make your self into a jerk to get women.

#6: You are ignorant

Specifically, what is it that you, as a man, are bringing to the table?

Hey stupid. You cannot get a woman if you are sitting there wide eyed and bumping your gums with regurgitated John Doe nonsense. One must offer up a measure of intelligence to stoke the flames of mystery and attraction. Ironically, sheer book knowledge is not mandatory, and is often an impediment to success with women.

I am defining intelligence as real world experience.

The worldly man provides all the answers and commands respect. The worldly man weaves daring stories by nature, at which he centers himself as the epic hero of the captivating tale. Obviously, leadership qualities, fantasy, and excitement are attractive to women.

How may one fashion himself as a trailblazer if he has not explored the environs outside of his own block, literally?

Men must travel, read, build, embrace, and conquer the unknown to build knowledge of self.

#5: No Reason

Sometimes there is nothing that a man can do.

You may have played the particular situation perfectly and still remain on the outside looking in. Maybe, just maybe, she was having a bad day, lost her phone, or is running late. This “no reason” clause is not to shift culpability onto wayward women that cannot identify one good man. Quite the contrary, the fifth reason to be rejected by women allows for the uncontrollable.

Real men must retool, rather than blasting and ridiculing females for any ongoing pattern of abject dismissal. Losers with women waste precious man-hours crying, flailing, and demeaning their former targets. Doing so is a wretched disservice to both parties.  

Indeed, ignorant, broke, and / or ugly jerks that pick the wrong women and are rejected for no reason can still achieve limited amounts of success with the fairer sex. These men may also transform from duds into studs with relatively meager efforts.  

Reasons #4 - #1 to be Rejected by Women: You are a Total Basket Case. Do not Approach any Female until you get your Life Together.

#4: You are boring

Do something.

Anything.

Representatives of the faceless masses perpetually approach women and telegraph the very same, tired lines and program. The pitch: “Can I talk to you? What’s your name? Do you have a boyfriend? Let’s do dinner and a movie on Friday night? I love you.”

Frankly, the monotony gets old. Understand that our mothers, self-help books, total logic, and gulp, rejection, and the slow death of one’s self esteem have wired thousands of men to execute this blueprint approach.

Dare to be different. Meeting women is supposed to be fun, right?

Practice engaging, situational conversation on the one on one level. People avoid social situations that degenerate towards awkward, business-like vanilla interviews. Of course, women pine for the allure of mystery and excitement. Naturally, grabbing life by the reins and your full participation amidst a litany of activities will lead to a variety of conversation pieces and inviting opportunities to game your prospective lady friend.  

Do not flirt and communicate with women as targets, objects, staid wives, long – term girlfriends, business partners, and platonic companions. Train your verbal skills and approach to deal with these females as if they were that casual fling from the Summer of 2007. Learn to flirt without any pressure to submit towards the expectations.

Essentially, men do what they want, irrespective of society’s legislated convention.

Do something.

#3: You put women on a Pedestal

Put no woman, or man for that matter, upon a pedestal.

We are all fallible and even Barack Obama and Beyonce Knowles use the bathroom and pass gas.

Yes, even Beyonce!

The belief that any human being can achieve perfection is a complete falsehood that will only lead to disappointment. The uplifted person is heretofore transformed into an objectified machine and forced to fall in line, conforming to a program that is impossible to meet. Ironically, women placed upon a true pedestal often boldly reject the antagonist, or simply disappear through passive aggressive behavior. Meanwhile, the man is selling himself short, actually subjugating his very own needs in exchange to fulfill the every whim of some woman.

For the masses, this pedestal paradigm typically manifests itself amidst elite circles.

The political and business spectrum will always be marred by the “scandal” of men and women that have been painted into corners to behave in a manner that society wishes for them to behave. This is why some “good girls” actually do prefer “thugs.” The female is more so comfortable around men that will challenge her petty games - yet allow her to let her hair down, curse like a sailor, and even prance around like a raging sex kitten without having to write some formal dissertation.

All “good girls” love being “bad.”

Individually, men often make the mistake that a woman is “too pretty” or “too smart” for the rigamarole. These simps then proceed to hide their own carnal personality and demean themselves with 3-ring circus antics to impress some female that only becomes less and less interested.

Just be your self; and if she doesn’t like it, she can walk.

She wasn’t all that, anyway.

Hmph.  

#2: You have no Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is the ultimate keystone that belies all interactions with women.

Again, man is imperfect and suitors must maintain the requisite amounts of self-esteem to forge ahead, despite any inherent weaknesses. The true gentleman values and appreciates himself enough to recognize that he is indeed worthy of a partner that will satisfy his wants. This bold decree requires courage to Play the Game wholeheartedly, risk the pain of rejection, and refuse to settle.

Essentially, what is the difference separating success with women from success at life?

Get your Mind right. Get your Life together.

#1: You are not a Man

Women want Men. Period.

Man up and act like a Real Man.

She Will Not Call me Back. What Should I Do?

12:22 and this female still hasn't called!

She will not call me back. What should I do?

“Hey. This is Jennifer. I am unable to get to my phone right now. Please leave a message and I will call you back.”

Yeah. Right.

Look player, there is a fundamental problem lurking somewhere beneath the fray for this woman to rarely answer her phone, call back sporadically, or completely ignore your calls, altogether. Quite frankly, what we have here is a failure to communicate and the following steps are contingent upon your assessment of the woman’s interest level.

Men must accurately gauge the difference between women that simply are not interested from those that are merely upping the ante with gamesmanship for the typical boy meets girl mating dance. The suitor may have also painted himself into a corner as a “Nice Guy” or even laid the foundation to build his very own dog house with the target female.

This guide details what to do when a woman will not call you back at various levels.

My Wife – Girlfriend will not Call me Back. What Should I do?

This scenario does not equate to putting your woman under virtual house arrest by using her cell phone as a tracking device. This lack of respect translates into your wife or girlfriend being almost nearly unreachable during particular time periods, or completely vanishing for 24 hours or more – with no explanation.  

You have got serious problems.

Your own woman does not want to talk to you?

Proceed by calmly introducing an emergency scenario in which you are stranded, wrongly jailed, or laid up at Stroger Hospital – unable to reach the woman of your life within a timely manner. If your significant other is not scared stiff and refuses to correct the lack of return calls immediately – this relationship has even more serious problems than we both thought.

Perhaps the female is out cheating on you. Maybe she just doesn’t care.

Proceed to up the ante by getting a life because clinginess is a huge turn off to anybody.

Leave if the issue persists.

My Friend with Benefits will not Call me Back. What Should I do?

Dude.

Why are you wasting your time calling this Cougar / Married Woman / Friend with Benefits female during business hours? You are merely a hired gun and your sole purpose is to deliver the goods for whatever reason. She may be unavailable to talk late at night because she is spending cuddle time with her number one man and family. She may also refuse to engage in wistful pillow talk over the phone with another wide-eyed schmuck that could easily break up her “happy” home.

There are some situations where the female will rebuke the risks of forging any emotional attachment.

At this point, you must make the call.

Know your boy-toy role. This means that all attempts to reach this woman are specifically to set up a meet. Please cut the “getting to know you” fluffery. She already has plenty of acquaintances in place for all of that.

Stand up or stand down.

On the flip side, this woman may have long grown tired of toiling as a “special friend” or sidepiece without making things “official.” At this point of no return, I suggest that you play it cool and continue calling as if nothing were amiss. Do not look weak and instigate the “where is this going?” spiel.

She is emotionally in limbo and aggressively broaching the subject to her before she is ready to deal with these feelings may very well place her into the aforementioned category of disinterested girlfriend. Besides, she has already been acting flaky and “less” is indeed “more” at this point.

Space your call pattern further and further apart towards one-week intervals for the next thirty days before giving up. Retreat until she either calls months later or you cross her path at random. Either way, she must be acknowledged as the party that dropped the communication ball and should be obligated to declare her intentions with a sit down heart to heart.

Still, be resigned to the fact that you may never see or hear from this woman again.

Now. Go find a female that is more so agreeable towards your relationship needs.   

She Gave me her Phone Number but now She Will Not Call me Back. What Should I do?

Where did you go wrong?

Obviously, you have not created a level of excitement worthy enough for this female to anxiously await your call. This contrary predicament is often the function of a weak approach, boring voice messages, and ultimately timing. You just may have picked the wrong one.

Maybe she has decided to work things out with her off and on boyfriend while you were sitting there looking stupid. Maybe she was turned off by the fact that you called her the next day on Saturday evening while you were firing up Madden and looking like a total Lame-O.

Don’t you know anything about women?

Better your chances by waiting a few days to call. Preferably, telephone her on the evenings from Sunday to Wednesday. This way, you can operate as a man about town that is obviously booked solid during peak time social hour and still be well positioned to score a date with this female for the weekend.

The entire purpose of this first phone call is to set up face time.

Of course, I remain absolutely convinced that some women randomly exchange numbers with any fool simply to garner attention. Maybe this female actually gets off upon the male fawn fest of simpletons throwing themselves at her and engaging in this twisted Battle Royale under the pretense crumbs of affection. Avoid these trifling attention mongerers at all costs.

Did you even properly screen this female at the point of approach?

Where is she from? Is she single? Does she have girlfriends?

If she is indeed, unattached, and can barely get along with other women and all of her “friends” are guys – you are in big trouble, Mister! In all likelihood, she is a self-centered limelight seeker and the only groups of individuals capable of putting up with her draining antics are desperate men, close family, and Toby, her pet cat.

Yes, the purpose of the initial approach is threefold: build interest, qualify, and introduce vague plans for the next encounter.

Remember, you were supposed to get the scouting report detailing the area in which she lives and a rough outline of her schedule from the gate. Still, sticking to the following script may save face and the situation:

“Hey. I know this (cool place) by (where the girl lives or where you met her). I will be (doing something cool) out there on (evening time when you know she is in the area or day of the week if you are uncertain of her availability) and I would love for you to drop by and hang out.”

Bingo.

Do you see how sweet we just played it?

Now, you have options.

Never mind the fact that you were actually poised for yet another night of Xbox 360. In one fell swoop; you have now transformed into a manly, distinguished socialite that is thoughtful enough to ask for her company. Yes, you will be within close range of her location checking out an art exhibit, shooting ball with the guys, or playing pool with Jay Cutler at the very same time that she “happens” to be home!

Whatever. Just make sure that you are doing something that does not appear as smokescreen to get a date. No, we would never stoop so low…

Of course, there is no pressure on this female to deal with yet another greasy suitor that cannot take a hint. This is an open invitation that can go either way and her designs will be effectively exposed. Any reasonably interested woman will return this phone call and negotiate a good time to meet.

Stay California Cool on the phone – but be certain to put out flirtatious vibes on Date Night. If not, you will run the risk of stalling beneath the shackles of the wretched friend zone. 

She still didn’t call you back?

Find a better-looking woman.

2009 NBA Mock Draft: Version 1.0

Greetings.

I find it very difficult to get excited over this 2009 NBA Draft Class. Personally, the NBA Draft is always an anticlimactic event. Football is long finished, the NBA Finals are already in the books, and I simply will not allow myself to become immersed amidst the 162-game regular season of summer time baseball. I typically check out and take sabbatical as a sports fan from the close of the NBA Draft until the August beginnings of college football. 

This 2009 NBA Draft crystallizes two separately foregone NCAA and NBA basketball outcomes that were quite nondescript. Although Kobe Bryant won the chip without Shaq, and Phil Jackson is parading around SoCal while donning an "X" cap, these happenings appeared as foregone conclusions. The Orlando Magic simply rolled over and died and this championship lacked real drama. The 2009 Lakers are good, but not great, and the Magic draw destroyed the dream Kobe vs. LeBron puppet matchup.  

Yes, I am happy that my Tar Heels took the NCAA Championship. However, UNC rolled to a crown that also was heavily anticipated from jump. The Heels simply outgunned, out dueled, and overpowered the hapless NCAA competition to steamroll through the Final Four. Outside of Chapel Hill, the run must have only been notable per the sheer efficiency of said dominance.

2009 is not the year of Carmelo Anthony carrying his undermanned Orange club to the championship. 2009 is not even the year of a scintillating "one and done" O.J. Mayo / Derrick Rose / Eric Gordon prospect. The crop leaves little room for debate and speculation per Oden / Durant, nor per the difficult adjustment towards the American style of play necessary for the Chinese big man.

Forget about Yao Ming. I would much prefer obsessing over the analytics of Yi Jianlin's Game than that of Josh Heytvelt. Who is Josh Heytvelt? 

Blake Griffin is the closest thing to a "sure thing" amidst this fatally flawed 2009 NBA Draft class. Griffin is an explosive athlete, but he lacks the requisite mid-range jumper, and ability to put the ball on the floor versus skilled defenders. I must speculate that Griffin dominated the college game simply by out running and out jumping the competition.  

Of course, the kid is all but guaranteed to land at #1 to the L.A. Clippers. Clipperland, representing NBA purgatory, is where dreams go to die. I almost feel sorry for Blake.

Almost.  

Besides Blake Griffin, we have a teenaged point guard from Spain with no jump shot, one UCONN 7-footer with no offensive game, and a collection of combo guards and tweeners that lack viable NBA positions. The 2009 NBA Draft is heavy at the point guard position, with Ty Lawson, Jonny Flynn, Stephen Curry, Brandon Jennings, Jrue Holiday, and even Darren Collison highlighting the mix.

Which of these top-shelf point guards will be stranded at the Green Room and out of the first-round clique?

Lawson's shooting mechanics look funny, Flynn must hit the weight room, Curry barely ran the point at Davidson, Jennings has been up to who knows what in Europe, and the UCLA boys are just old news. Yes, Jrue Holiday is merely a one-year star, but the over-the-top comparisons to Dwyane Wade, promulgate the feel that Holiday is damaged goods.

The Draft is all about potential. Where is the (Next) Jordan, Kobe, Karl Malone, or Paul Pierce? 

I don't know how many future All-Stars will emerge from this group. Perhaps one of the aforementioned point guards will slip into the second round, go "Hibachi" with anger at the slight, and evolve into the second coming of Gilbert Arenas.

What about those Carolina boys?

After four years, I still have no idea how Tyler Hansbrough manages to score the basketball. I really don't think that going Teen Wolf, barreling into the paint, throwing up awkward shots, and drawing fouls will work for this rookie at the NBA level. Psycho T must remake himself as a front court player that is capable of slashing to the bucket with dribble drive penetration. Remember Corliss Williamson?

Meanwhile, Wayne Ellington's career arc is too reminiscent of Donald Williams for my liking. Williams emerged as Carolina's lights-out shooter during our 1993 NCAA Championship run. Williams, similar to Ellington, also brought home the Most Outstanding Player award to Chapel Hill. However, the 1993 sharpshooter completely vanished from the mainstream following this sterling performance.

Players simply cannot afford to drift towards the arc and launch uncontested three-point bombs at the NBA level. Wayne is reed thin and lacks premium explosiveness. Hence, UNC's hero at shooting guard must put on muscle to contribute at the next level.

This 2009 Draft Class is stacked with players that will need to improve physically and mentally simply to compete. These flaws will be exacerbated by the bumbling franchises at the top of the order. The term "perfect fit" is a complete sham in regards to this year's NBA Draft. 

Oh, well. 

Does Vegas maintain a line upon the players most likely to sport the ugliest, loudest, sear-sucker, zoot suit combination? How about largest entourage?

Get your popcorn ready:

1: Los Angeles Clippers - Blake Griffin

The most wretched franchise in all of basketball needs everything, yet again. The Clip Show went 19-63 for the 2008 - 2009 season and cannot shoot, defend, or rebound. Again, Clipperland is NBA purgatory - where Dreams go to die. Eric Gordon is the lone bright spot and will only improve from his 16 points per game average. That is, if the Indiana star does not blow out his knee while stumbling through his mansion for a midnight snack.

Enter Blake Griffin.

I like this kid. I really do. However, Tim Duncan is not walking through that 2009 NBA Draft door. Meaning, Griffin at #1 does not have the tools to make an immediate impact at L.A.'s step-child organization. This is a culture of losing, bickering, and "me first" showmanship to get paid at contract time. Elton Brand reversed course and bolted after the Davis signing, BD tunes out the coach on the regular, the iconic Elgin Baylor gets fired, and Mike Dunleavy manages to still have a job.

Welcome to the NBA, son.

2: Memphis Grizzlies: Hasheem Thabeet

Ha!

Nobody wants to go to Memphis (Vancouver). Nanny-nanny-boo boo.

Silver Spring, Maryland's Stevie Franchise broke down and wailed like a little boy that just lost his teddy bear back when Vancouver called out that infamous 1999 NBA Draft pick.

This is quite comical to me. It's like, the joke is on you, buddy! 

OK. You are a star athlete. You have maintained and thoughtfully cultivated a high profile beginning with AAU ball, to some fancy Connecticut prep school, and finally the typical basketball factory power house. Going to the NBA has been a foregone conclusion for years and you have been day dreaming of getting paid and blowing money on sweet condos, tricked out Escalades, and inviting home based groupies back to the crib at either Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, DC, or Atlanta.

Then you realize that you are going to Memphis.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My apologies to the citizenry of Memphis. I have never been to Memphis, TN, but I do think that it would be a nice town. I especially like Eightball and MJG out of Orange Mound. Personally, I believe that Memphis is cool. But, I am not a basketball player.

The Grizzlies will be forces to take Thabeet because Rubio refuses to perform at Tennessee. Thabeet is a 7-footer with no offensive game. The former model has been playing ball at a competitive level for all of three years.

Good luck with that.  

3: Oklahoma City: Ricky Rubio

What do we know about Ricky Rubio?

We know that the teenaged Spaniard is a showman, and has been performing at a professional level at Europe for the past 5 years, since the age of 14. Rubio is a marginal athlete, with no outside jump shot. Frankly, his ESPN highlight reel of behind the back handles and slick dishes to dawdling trailers is getting beyond old.

Rubio is overrated.

Still, Oklahoma City will not take the risk of passing up the potential. The Thunder backcourt duties will be crowded, with both Rubio and the high-flying Russell Westbrook demanding the basketball to operate. OKC may trade down with Minnesota.

The Timberwolves have been stockpiling picks and covet Rubio. Oklahoma City should trade down and draft a low-post banger or off-the-ball scorer and shooter to complement Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.

4: Sacramento Kings: Tyreke Evans

Tyreke Evans, out of Memphis is the poor man's version of Penny Hardaway.

A really poor man's version of Penny Hardaway. Think, Lil' Penny goes to the soup kitchen. Tyreke must compete for playing time at the point with Beno Udrih to open up the floor for the much improved Kevin Martin.  

5: Minnesota Timberwolves from Washington Wizards - Jordan Hill

6: Minnesota Timberwolves - James Harden

What in the world is Minnesota up to?

The Timberwolves will package their cornucopia of picks via Randy Foye and Washington to trade up and make a play for Ricky Rubio. I must foreshadow that energy guy Jordan Hill and wing James Harden will slide into these slots for Team X. If not, expect Stephen Curry to be taken off the board.

7: Golden State Warriors - DeMar DeRozen

I do not anticipate Golden State selecting Stephen Curry after last season's refusal to play money ball with Baron Davis and handing the keys to the car to Monta Ellis at the #1.

DeMar DeRozen is a versatile wing scorer that is capable of playing three positions. DeRozen is a raw athlete and potential match-up nightmare that is a solid fit to thrive amidst the wacky Nellie-ball regime.

8: New York Knicks - Stephen Curry

Stephen Curry is a very underrated passer and ball handler.

We already know about the March Madness scoring and perimeter game. 

This kid has star power. However, his fall to #8 and New York City is contingent upon Minnesota's 2009 NBA Draft moves. Certainly, conspiracy theorists will cry outrage and finger David Stern Big City shenanigans under the premise that Stephen Curry actually were to land at Madison Square Garden.

 

9: Toronto Raptors - James Johnson

The 33-49 Raptors pick from no-man's land. The 2008 Jermaine O'neal move was a bust and has been converted into Shawn Marion, the franchise is still on the outside looking in per the NBA Playoffs amidst the weak East, and Chris Bosh will bolt for greener pastures at 2010.

Draft to compete, or draft to destroy and rebuild?

James Johnson will fit the bill as either a young rotation player for a Playoff club, or trade chip "assets" to build around following the inevitable Chris Bosh defection.

 

10: Milwaukee Bucks - Terrence Williams

The Milwaukee Bucks will live with Ramon Sessions running the point. Sessions is a non-factor from the outside, but he is capable of managing the offense.

Although Bucks general manager John Hammond has articulated the "best player available" propaganda, the man must locate a viable wing scorer to step up following his recent cap space packaging of Richard Jefferson to San Antonio for Kurt Thomas and Fabricio Oberto. 

Terrence Williams is ready to contribute now.

11: New Jersey Nets - Earl Clark

Um er ah.

The New Jersey Nets are currently trading Vince Carter to the Orlando Magic for Rafer Alston in a salary cap dump move. Certainly, the Nets will degenerate towards the NBA scrap heap, while they bide time with Devin Harris and the surprisingly effective Brook Lopez. The Nets will look to draft a lunch pail banger down low or a pure shooter to fill obvious weaknesses at East Rutherford.

I am foreshadowing that Nets brass will pass up DeJuan Blair per his spate of ACL injuries and make a move for Earl Clark. Maybe, I am just rocking out to the Louisville groove at ten and eleven.

12: Charlotte Bobcats - Gerald Henderson

The Charlotte Hornets have drafted Tar Heels Ray Felton and Sean May in recent years, more so to fill seats, than to compete. I don't expect MJ and Bob Johnson to pass on this DOOKIE that will be coming down the pike at #12.

13: Indiana Pacers - DeJuan Blair

The Indiana Pacers have been making eyes at DeJuan Blair from jump. The undersized power forward will compete every night and pound the boards for this team.

#14 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Phoenix Suns, BJ Mullens

Phoenix will replace Shaq in the middle with 2009's version of the token mid-round stiff at center.

#15 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Detroit Pistons, Brandon Jennings

Joe Dumars will blow this thing up soon, so we might as well, anyway. Jennings spurned the "one and done" format to ride the pine as a professional across the pond. Brandon Jennings is a calculated risk for Detroit at #15. 

Does anybody at the Motor City even want to run the point?

A.I. was a debacle and Rodney Stuckey would be better off-the-ball. 

#16 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Chicago Bulls, Jrue Holiday G - UCLA

The Bulls will be looking for a capable backup for Derrick Rose and Ben Gordon's replacement.

Jrue Holiday is a 6'5 upgrade in terms of size and defense. Offensively, few ball players will ever match Gordon as a pure scorer and assassin. The Bulls love basketball factory products and will increase flexibility with the Holiday pick.

#17 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Philadelphia 76'ers, Omri Casspi

I really don't know anything about this guy. He is Israeli and shows up on several NBA Draft boards. I think throwing an unknown foreigner to a 76'ers franchise that lacks star power and any semblance of an identity just makes sense.

Sue me.

#18 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Minnesota Timberwolves, Jonny Flynn G - Syracuse

Minnesota is the fulcrum of this 2009 NBA Draft. Jonny Flynn will be the first traditional point guard taken and will show up at the Land of 10,000 Lakes, or arrived as a repackaged commodity to Team X.

Flynn banked a lot of cash as the epic, 6-overtime little engine that could versus Connecticut. 

#19 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Atlanta Hawks, Wayne Ellington G - North Carolina

The fact that the Hawks need outside shooting is an understatement. 

#20 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Utah Jazz, Sam Young F - Pittsburgh

The fact that the Utah Jazz need athleticism is an understatement. 

#21 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: New Orleans Hornets, Jodie Meeks F - Kentucky

This is too high for Meeks, but I must speculate that some first-round general manager will take the bait on this kid; and New Orleans is the team to do so.

The Chris Paul Hornets are desperate for wing scoring to the point of sheer madness.

#22 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Dallas Mavericks, Jeff Teague G - Wake Forest

The Mavs already got lucky with a late-first round pick out of Wake Forest named Josh Howard.
#23 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Sacramento Kings, Tyler Hansbrough F - North Carolina

We all know that performing as the all-time leading scorer at UNC, the most decorated, bestest program at the NCAA level counts for jack - diddly per the NBA Draft.

Hansbrough will slide deep into the late first-round and must improve his ball handling to make teams pay. If not, Psycho T's career will become synonymous with Mark Madsen: Version 2.0.

#24 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Portland Trailblazers, Eric Maynor G - VCU

Eric Maynor continues the trend of young, high-octane fantasy basketball at Portland. I could really see Maynor checking in, and dropping 11 points in 15 minutes. This guy is a scorer.

Of course, my favorite Eric Maynor moments arrived when he destroyed Dook University.

#25 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Oklahoma City - Marcus Thornton

Who is this guy? Who cares?

#26 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Chicago Bulls, Josh Heytvelt F - Gonzaga

Again, who in the world is Josh Heytvelt?

The Chicago Bulls need interior, low post scoring, AGAIN. Heytvelt is a versatile front court player that may emerge as Chicago's best option late into the first round.

#27 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Memphis Grizzlies, Austin Daye

Who is this guy?

#28 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Minnesota Timberwolves, Tywon Lawson G - North Carolina

Lawson, like Flynn will show up at the Target Center, or be dealt to Team X.

#29 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Los Angeles Lakers, Nick Calathes G - Florida 

The Lakers have sold this pick. For some reason, I thought Calathes would be a good fit for the triangle. 

#30 2009 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Cleveland Cavaliers, Taj Gibson F - USC

Cleveland's 2009 NBA Draft and offseason = Stop Dwight Howard. The Cavaliers will throw 12 more fouls at the Man-Child with the acquisitions of Shaquille O'Neal and Taj Gibson.

Roland Burris

Roland Burris is the most embattled member of the U.S. Senate. The lightning rod politician accepted his brazen appointment as Illinois junior Senator in the aftermath of the Rod Blagojevich pay-to-play, influence peddling scandal.

The shocking account detailed machinations of the disgraced governor selling the vacated Senate seat of President Barack Obama to the highest bidder. The developments cascaded into yet another corrupt spectacle of embarrassment for Illinois politics. Still, Roland Burris has stood down all catcalls demanding his resignation, with steeled resolve.

Burris, in fact, descended upon the U.S. Capitol and was forced to conduct interviews as the “Illinois’ junior Senator” from outside of the building, while lawmakers effectively shut him out from the business of Government. Although the drama represents a sordid account of intrigue, outrage, and flip-flopping, we must attempt to locate and present the particulars of this man’s life within a manner that is unbiased.

Roland Burris, Democrat - Illinois Senator Bio

Roland Burris was born on August 3, 1937 at Centralia, Illinois. The downstate locale was a critical railroad node and destination for African Americans migrating from the South.

Obviously, tensions between white and black residents ran high during the formative years of the future statesman. Burris, emboldened by his father’s tireless demand for Civil Rights was actually one of the first youths to integrate the neighborhood swimming pool.

Certainly, this fortitude foreshadowed his eventual political career.

Burris was to earn his political science undergraduate degree at Southern Illinois University – Carbondale in 1959, prior to accepting his Juris Doctor from the Howard University School of Law four years later. Burris parlayed these talents into public service, shortly thereafter.

Roland Burris rose through the ranks during the 1970’s as a leading financial regulator and banking insider, serving as the first African-American National Bank Examiner at Treasury’s Office of the Comptroller of the Currency from 1963-1964.

He was rewarded with the 1964 – 1973 vice president position at the Continental Illinois National Bank ant Trust Company, one of the top-ten financial intermediaries in the U.S. at the time.

Never mind the fact that this institution went bust in 1984.

Burris began his Illinois political career in earnest to join the ranks of a weak Democratic Party that was being unceremoniously routed amidst the Ronald Reagan heyday. Of course, Burris was to butt heads with Jesse Jackson, who degraded the rising politician as a puppet for white politicians.

Burris continued to take even more lumps - losing his nomination bid for Illinois Comptroller and being resoundingly dismissed as a viable candidate for the U.S. Senate, Governor of Illinois, and Mayor of Chicago between 1984 and 2002. Despite the parade of losses, Senator Burris returned for more political floggings, and remained on the outside looking in, per the Chicago machine from 1995 – 2008.

Burris was to eventually garner his election as the 3^rd Illinois Comptroller and hold this title for three consecutive terms from 1979 – 1991, before accepting his role of as the 39^th Illinois Attorney General from 1991 – 1995. Indeed, the first youth to integrate the swimming pool at Centralia emerged as the first African American to be elected into a statewide office at Illinois as Comptroller. 

Still, Roland Burris bid his time as an adviser, lobbyist, and counselor per his Burris & Lebed Consulting firm. However, his career in private practice was relatively short lived, and Burris placed a phone call to then Governor Rod Blagojevich to offer his leadership services to the exclusive club of U.S. Senator.

Roland Burris on the Issues

Lost amidst the garish glare is Burris’ actual stand in regards to the primary issues that affect Illinois and the United States of America, at-large. The political mindset of this man is further muddled by a career that may be described as non descript in terms of decisive action. Roland Burris has climbed the ladder by toeing the Democratic company line and rarely makes pedagogic waves of any sort.

For example, there is a dearth of information on this Senator that actually proposes new initiatives, or even disagrees with any popular measure of the Left agenda. Yes, Burris supports Obama’s Economic Recovery Bill, infrastructure spending, housing funding, and tax relief for American citizenry. Yes, Burris wants to “work together to put our nation on the road to health care reform.”

Burris is the classic politician. The rhetoric promises sweeping change, yet offers no specifics, and always articulates the proper exit strategy. Indeed, the Senator may wash his hands of the legislation and rebuke any accusations of wrongdoing that would arise in the aftermath of a total debacle.

Perhaps what is truly notable per the policy of this gentleman would be his sheer arrogance.

Burris has already purchased and erected a tombstone at Chicago’s Oak Woods Cemetery. The monument identifies Burris as a Trailblazer beneath the Illinois State Seal, prior to the U.S. Senator listing his “First African-American in Illinois to…” accomplishments. Of course, Burris has left just enough space upon the granite to add additional records.

Certainly, the happenings that have shaped this man’s life would indicate that supreme confidence, which borders upon absolute arrogance has arrived part and parcel with the Game.    

On January 8, 2009, Roland Burris, called before the Illinois House Impeachment Committee to testify per Rod Blagojevich’s Fall from Grace vehemently denied all wrongdoing. According to the Senator:

“I have been in government for 20 years and never participated in anybody’s quid pro quo.”

This statement has emerged to haunt Burris as the storyline continues to shift with escalating intrigue in conjunction with an American public that is exasperated by the wrangling. The Federal Court for the Northern District of Illinois released wiretap surveillance featuring Burris wheeling and dealing with Rob Blagojevich, the brother of the deposed former governor. Says Burris:

“I am very much interested in trying to replace Obama. I am trying to figure out how to deal with this and still get consideration for the appointment. I know I could give him a check, myself. [But] I might try to do this in the name of Time Wright.”

Ironically, heated accusations of perjury, intimidation, dirty money, and sham politics emerging from the Senator’s coffers will always mar this Illinois trailblazer’s path. The people of the Land of Lincoln and the statesmen at Capitol Hill have come to grudgingly accept Burris as the junior Senator from Illinois.

Roland Burris has already proclaimed his intentions to campaign for the U.S. Senate in 2010.

The Internet is NOT Real Life. (Or is it?)

The Internet: Is this Real Life?

Do you people realize that the Internet is not Real Life?

No computer or device will be able to effectively re create real, live interaction with other people. The fundamental vice of all machines is the fact that these technological wonders cannot think. The device is not an exclusive body and cannot behave per its own accord. Despite, the amount of know how, silicon, Bill Gates and Andy Grove computations that are crammed into this little microchip wafer, it cannot and will not come alive. 

Please, stop living your life and gravitating towards the machine. The computer - machine has now transcended its design within the hearts of many. Millions of our citizenry have exchanged roles with the circuitry. The human is now on auto-pilot, checking email like clock work, verifying bank balances per the technology matrix, and spitting out pre - programmed "LOL" and "TTYL" code in response to the most basic of algorithms. 

The mass individual is degenerating into a basic stupor of ignorance, while the machine becomes more and more sophisticated, complex, and unpredictable. 

Social skills have completely fallen by the wayside. The computer does the work.

Why call, when I can send email? Why visit, when I can send a text message? Of course, I could always go on MySpace or Craigslist to "hook up with hot Chicago women." The computer says that I can get any woman I want!

I have no time for the rigmarole. Game is for suckers.

These females are posting provocative pictures with little to offer besides the typical computer jargon and various regurgitated rubbage. "Hey boo," and a fake profile indicating that I am a music producer and earn $1,000,000 per year is the only Game that one needs in this wretched place.

This is totally easy. For the life of me, I cannot understand the egregious level of kowtowing and pandering that these e-tricks and simps deliver to every female that shows up online. Are men really that desperate? Why are so many men losers with women?

Real talk. I know that I would be an Internet sensation if I were to write beneath the glare of a "Jenny" or "LaToya" pseudonym, post a fake avatar of some random blue eyed - blonde chick + cleavage, or a light skinned - long haired black female. The servers would crash and legions of simpletons would congratulate me for being able to put together a complete sentence about random "make up to break up" drama with my baby's father and going to the corner store to pick up 2% milk. Simpletons would be Pay-Paling and ACH debiting my account right this very moment!

Certainly, hucksters have already exploited the trend of lame men doing anything for the attention of a woman. Look around. How many Internet dating scams have proliferated before you people get the hint? "Becky" will not show up at your bungalow for "no strings attached fun" after your free, $19.95 trial; and "Tasha" won't come through either, despite your misplaced eagerness to funnel cash towards her foreclosed mortgage.

Ha! You idiots just blew your whole paycheck to support the drug habit of some high school drop out in San Mateo County. 

Yes, I am talking smack. But, I am posting this up online. Fool, you don't even know who I am.

Rather, U DUNNO WHO I'Z B!

What is the point of even attempting to appreciate a solid command of the English language, while computer gibberish carries the day? What is the rationale behind these "drive-by" Internet thugs? Why do Black people create separate languages online to sound "real," that appear more difficult to postulate than typing basic English? Why do suburban whites try to pretend as if they are actually affiliated with some "set" that they recognize from BET via computer? 

Why do Black people, Asians, Latinos, and White people take to the message boards to make threats and destroy each other with derogatory comments from the comfort of their own homes?

You would never do that? Your name is, what? Your profile says that you live in Cleveland, OH.

You must be White. Check that. You must be Black. Oops. I know you are Latina.

Yes fool, you don't know who I am, and I don't know who you are, either.

I couldn't care less about some family cat, your uncle Wee-Bay, or your gun collection. I care as much for you as I would care about any bum - stranger on the street. You are a curiosity to me, a freak show, if you will. This is pure entertainment - voyeurism; and why would any of it even matter?

I actually have a Real Life to lead. 

Is the Internet Real Life?

Yes, the Internet is Real Life.

First, is not any action or object which exists within our Universe, "Real Life?"

All tangible matter is to be described as real life. Indeed, the Internet is Real Life and the computer merely exacerbates mankind's realm of what is indeed, Truth. I initially intimated that humanity is becoming increasingly more crude, while the development and lists of tasks executed per machinery are emerging as ever more complex. 

I also stated that the machine cannot think, because man must program the algorithm matrix to respond to particular stimuli. Ergo, if the machine is becoming more complex, than man is actually demonstrating heightened levels of brainpower to manufacture and utilize this equipment. Certainly, we have arrived at a point of greater intelligence today, than the prehistoric era of grunting to communicate, sharpening branches into basic tools, and regularly dying prior to the age of 20. 

Humanity has not degenerated towards a sloth-like stupor in terms of mental capacity. Actually, humanity is degenerating towards a sloth-like stupor in terms of self-reliance and resourcefulness. Yes, we are sweet cupcakes relative to the prevailing trials of History.

The technology is our Strength. Still, this Strength is Real.

Humanity often clings to outside media as a means to cope with the shortcomings of Life. Techies praise the computer, Money Men lust after cash, and Beauty Queens obsess over the mirror. All of these ideas are "real," but not essential to existence.

The computer only highlights the weakness of Man. The individual must not define himself by a product, theory, or manifestation that is secondary to his true Person. In order to achieve balance and happiness, computer geeks cannot cling to the Internet any less than a "proud" Papa forces the game of baseball upon his young son.

The silicon wafer and the Internet only represent yet another means for members of society to live vicariously through another outside entity. Objectifying and personifying fringe matter is a weak shortcut in relation to actually attacking, rehabilitating, and cultivating the Man in the Mirror. 

Men that are losers with women off-line amidst face to face interaction, will proceed to be losers with women on the computer. Men and women that exist in "real life" that achieve status merely based upon looks will be successful running the same Game online. 

Certainly, recording producers that make $1,000,000 per year may not be able to attract and maintain any woman that he wants, but he will be able to mingle with, and woo any type of woman that he wishes.

In any event, men are not required to sign up for "dating services," via the computer and remit payment in exchange for the ultimate fantasy woman. Men have been paying up for the false-hope company of fairy tale females since the beginnings of time. 

"Real life" schmucks pace the floor, telegraph self-hate "woe is me" banter, and promptly take this nonsense to the Internet to destroy their respective corners of that sector. Of course, nobody here really cares about these freaks.

Nobody in the "real world" cares, either.

In fact, the "real world" cares even less about our problems. 

We are all Invisible Men at Main Street, U.S.A. 

Get Real.

Washington, D.C. - L'Enfant / McMillan Layout

Washington, D.C. is the most confusing city in the United States of America.

The Pierre L’Enfant city plan was developed out of visions of grandeur for a Capital City that was to emerge out of Maryland and Virginia swampland. The design predates automobile traffic and is an intimidating mix of narrow streets, one-ways, radials, circles, squares, and four distinct quadrants. Of course, this befuddling array is further exacerbated by the unique geography of the region.

The Potomac and Anacostia, two major tributaries of the Chesapeake Bay watershed bisect Washington, D.C. The area also rests upon the East Coast fall line, which juxtaposes the hilly Appalachian Piedmont with the Atlantic Coastal Plain. The natural barrier topography of the District promulgates confusion, bottlenecks, and a dearth of viable cross-town options at both rivers and Rock Creek Park – which marks the fall line.

Politically, the “expressway” network is almost non-existent due to years of “Not in My Backyard” backlash towards all proposals regarding inner-city freeway build out. Hence, principal routes start, stop, change directions, switch names, and disappear altogether at the Nation’s Capital. Improper signage adds to the mayhem, as several markers were placed at the beginnings of routes that have been long abandoned.

Although Washington, D.C. is a marvel for roadway enthusiasts and students of city planning, the Capital region is an unmitigated traffic nightmare for the majority of the population. Ironically, the vehicular mixing bowl and gridlock inside the Beltway have become quite synonymous with the machinations of our Federal Government.

This DC street guide and grid is designed to alleviate the madness, somewhat.

Please do not despair. Decades – long veterans of the Washington cityscape continue to be confounded and lost amidst this matrix. Let’s introduce the basic concepts:    

U.S. Capitol and D.C. Quadrants

Fittingly, the United States Capitol is Ground Zero for the Washington, D.C. street grid.

The U.S. Capitol divides the District into four separate Northwest, Northeast, Southwest, and Southeast quadrants. Logically, North Capitol Street, South Capitol Street, East Capitol Street, and one plane dividing the National Mall west of the Capitol delineate these quadrants. These important thoroughfares converge at the U.S. Capitol from the cardinal directions.

Numbered streets run north and south; and lettered street run east to west – beginning at the U.S. Capitol. Lettered and numbered streets have been laid out in pairs and are differentiated per quadrant. For example, there are two separate, continuous 1^st streets on both sides of the Capitol.  

1^st Street to the east of the U.S. Capitol will be Northeast or Southeast. 1^st Street to the west will be identified as 1^st Street NW or 1^st Street SW. Specifically, 1^st Street east of the U.S. Capitol and north of East Capitol Street is 1^st Street NE. 1^st Street NE headed south and running continuously past the Capitol across East Capitol Street becomes 1^st Street SE.

63^rd Street NE carries MD 704 traffic into Southern Avenue at Washington’s far eastern corner and 52^nd Street NW marks a series of cul de sac - like enclaves near the Dalecarlia Reservoir bordering Montgomery County.

Got that?

Lettered streets follow a similar pattern. Again, Washington, D.C. features two parallel, continuous C Streets. C Street west of North Capitol Street and north of the National Mall is C Street NW. A and B streets are actually Madison and Jefferson drives (A Street) and Constitution and Independence avenues (B Street), which bound the National Mall.

The city also skips J, X, Y, and Z streets. The J was omitted to avoid being confused with I Street.

Further away from the Capitol, Washington, D.C. street names transition into two-syllable markers, alphabetically. Going north, these streets are Adams, Barry, Bryant, Channing, Douglas, and so on, and so forth. Northwest and Northeast are the larger sections and both require the alphabet to begin anew with three-syllable street names at Allison, Buchanan, and Crittenden; or Albemarle, Appleton, and Brandywine west of Rock Creek Park.

Northwest, the largest quadrant, requires a fourth and last alphabetical system for east-west streets. The final order is identified with forestry. Aspen, Butternut, Fern, Geranium, and Juniper streets intersect Georgia Avenue and 16^th Street towards the Maryland border.

Washington, D.C. Addresses and Block Numbering

Addresses generally move in blocks of 100 from the U.S. Capitol.

All streets retain their appropriate suffix in relation to this landmark.

For example, the White House at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW is situated at 16^th Street and Pennsylvania Avenue. Obviously, this location is northwest of the U.S. Capitol, or north of the National Mall and West of North Capitol Street.

North-South streets follow a similar arrangement. Still, difficulty arises because the mind is not trained to think of lettered streets in terms of sequential numbers. 305 6^th Street SW would represent the corner of 6th and C Streets southwest of the U.S. Capitol. “C” is indeed, the third letter of the alphabet.

Although some street signs do list the numerical addresses of the corresponding block – D.C. block signage is spotty at best and should even be ignored. Block numbering is a difficult pattern to follow outside of downtown due to the crushing amounts of meandering streets that go by letters and proper names, rather than numbers.

This is not Chicago, where 2400 W – 4000 N, is easily associated as Western and Irving Park.

Frankly, Washingtonians, motorists, and tourists venturing deep into the city proper, will fare better by memorizing the major through routes and wandering towards a general area, than attempting to pinpoint address coordinates per this confounding street grid.

Washington Radials and Street Terminology

Ahh. The fun really begins!

Pierre L’Enfant integrated diagonal streets into his plan to provide sweeping views and vistas of this monumental city. Of course, the navigation of these radials is the primary factor behind the traffic circles, squares, and dubiously named streets that continue to frustrate many a Washingtonian.

Radial streets that converge downtown towards the National Mall effectively double as the District’s “expressway” network. Imagine the madness of shutting down all city wide Interstate traffic and forcing the flow onto signaled, surface streets. This is the essence of Washington, D.C.

L’Enfant’s hub and spoke pattern overlays the functional 90-degree street grid.

MacArthur Boulevard, Massachusetts Avenue, Connecticut Avenue, and Georgia Avenue are predominantly north-south thoroughfares that carry traffic from Montgomery County, Maryland into downtown via Northwest Washington, while New Hampshire Avenue, Rhode Island Avenue, New York Avenue, Pennsylvania Avenue, and Suitland Parkway traverse the District from Prince Georges County.

Tourists and out-of-towners will note that numbered U.S. routes and numerical shield signage vanish from D.C. streets, in favor of proper names. Obviously, Washington is a different municipality than the state of Maryland and MD 4 (Pennsylvania), 5 (Branch), 97 (Georgia), 185 (Connecticut), 210 (Indian Head Hwy. – S. Capitol), 214 (Central Ave. – E. Capitol), 320 (Piney Branch), 355 (Wisconsin), and 650 (New Hampshire) reassurance terminologies will all terminate at the border. However, the tracing of U.S. routes through the District is completely illogical, as if these monikers did not even exist.

Maps identify U.S. 50 as New York Avenue and U.S. 1 as Rhode Island Avenue – before these two routes intersect at 6^th and 9^th streets NW, commingle, and separate at the National Mall, with U.S. 50 entering Virginia with I-66 via Constitution Avenue and U.S. 1 crossing the Potomac as the 14^th Street Bridge.

U.S. 29 is a different issue, altogether. Mapmakers are split as to whether 29 enters the District as Georgia Avenue or 16^th Street. We are also befuddled as to the manner in which 29 arrives at the Whitehurst Freeway and Key Bridge into Arlington, VA. Maryland and DC street-level signage indicates that 29 is indeed, Georgia Avenue. Of course, the 29 shield promptly disappears deep into the District.

Does 29 merge into Rhode Island Avenue, 11^th Street, New Hampshire Avenue, or K Street?

How is it that major United State routes disappear, altogether?

Identifying Washington, D.C. principal streets and radials by numerical routes is a dummy mission.

Always reference surface level roads by proper name.

DC – Maryland Border and Circumferential Routes

The L’Enfant Plan has succeeded well in regards to providing circumferential thoroughfares that facilitate traffic around the perimeter of the city. Perhaps the DC – Maryland border, which is delineated by Western, Eastern, and Southern avenues, represents the most obvious reference point.

Of course, nothing is ever quite so simple in the District. These border avenues are non-continuous and Western and Eastern never intersect. Both of these avenues end prior to the Rock Creek Park area in Upper Northwest.

Nebraska, South Dakota, Minnesota, and Alabama Avenues also parallel the Maryland border and are principal routes encircling the outer reaches of the city from west to east to south. Nebraska and South Dakota are co-joined by Military Road (Missouri Avenue), which marks the lone viable east-west route through Rock Creek Park.

The Anacostia River effectively separates Minnesota Avenue from this perimeter matrix. Minnesota and Martin Luther King, Jr. avenues connect Southeast and Northeast Washington from South Capitol Street to the Maryland border, just east of the Anacostia.

Florida Avenue once marked the border of the District and is now a vital connector for Northwest and Northeast traffic. Florida begins at Benning Road, which also arcs around Southeast and the interior of Northeast Washington.

All of these important routes allow motorists to navigate the residential reaches of the city, without being railroaded and funneled towards crushing downtown congestion.

Washington, D.C. Cross Town Routes (Northwest Washington and Rock Creek Park)

Again, lettered streets cut across the city from east to west.

The most viable lettered street for principal route traffic is U. Street NW, which cuts a direct path between two distinct intersections with the circumferential Florida Avenue.

Further north, Columbia Road and Irving Street are one-ways that originate at Michigan Avenue NE and cut across the Columbia Heights neighborhood of Northwest Washington.

Rock Creek Park follows the Rock Creek Valley from Maryland to Georgetown through Northwest and is twice as large as Manhattan’s Central Park. Rock Creek Park marks the crumbling of an ancient mountain range and the East Coast Fall Line – separating today’s Piedmont from the Coastal Plain. Obviously, spanning miles of uninterrupted forest and diverse topography with massive roadways of any sort is a social, political, and highway engineering impossibility.

Military Road is the only viable route across the expansive Rock Creek Park.

Besides Military, motorists may utilize awkward combinations of Rock Creek Parkway, Beach Drive, Tilden Street, and Park Road to navigate the area.

Potomac and Anacostia River Crossings

Potomac River Crossings from north to south into the Commonwealth of Virginia are at Chain Bridge, Francis Scott Key Bridge (U.S. 29 – Whitehurst Freeway / M Street – Canal Road NW), Theodore Roosevelt (I-66 / U.S. 50), Arlington Memorial, and the 14^th Street Bridge (I-396 / U.S. 1). The Capital Beltway Woodrow Wilson Bridge actually does span the southerly nautical border of the District of Columbia into the Potomac.

Chain Bridge is a short, three-lane span connecting the far reaches of Northwest with Arlington and Fairfax Counties. Virginians will access the bridge from VA – 120 Glebe Road and the appropriately named VA 123 – Chain Bridge Road to connect with Washington’s Clara Barton Parkway. All other crossings are centered between downtown and Arlington, VA via parkland and islands that line the Potomac channel.

These bridges all represent major bottlenecks, where traffic is forced to converge and cross over into Virginia. The Theodore Roosevelt and 14^th Street bridges are notorious for congestion. Constitution Avenue, Rock Creek Parkway, 23^rd Street NW, and I-66 meet west of the National Mall to carry traffic over the Potomac at the Teddy Roosevelt; and the imposing 14^th Street Bridge looms as the fusion of I-395, I-295, U.S. 1, and 9^th – 15^th Streets.

The 14^th Street Bridge from the Crystal City section of Arlington, VA provides the best views of the Washington, D.C. skyline at East Potomac Park. Virginia Signage at the George Washington Parkway, U.S. 1 – Jefferson Davis Highway, VA 27, and VA 120 directing drivers towards this complex reads “I-395 – Washington.” Likewise, D.C. signage will read “I-395 – Virginia,” without mentioning the 14^th Street nameplate.

The Anacostia River cuts a swath through Northeast, Southeast, and Southwest. This waterway is spanned at I-295 (11^th Street), Benning Road, East Capitol Street, Pennsylvania Avenue (John Philip Sousa Bridge), and South Capitol Street (Frederick Douglass).

The Pennsylvania Avenue – Sousa Bridge area is particularly vital – considering the abject shortfalls of the D.C. Interstate network, which effectively dumps excessive amounts of highway traffic into the area.

Washington, D.C. Interstate Overlay

The words “expressway” and “freeway” are unfamiliar terms to the local D.C. lexicon.

In fact, Washingtonians often have the most difficult of times navigating expressway systems of various U.S. cities and may even refer to any foreign urban freeway as a “Beltway.”

The Kenilworth Avenue – Anacostia Freeway is the only continuous limited access route through Washington, D.C. This road traces the Anacostia River through Southeast and Northeast Washington into Prince Georges County, Maryland.

The route is signed as I-295 from its beginnings at Indian Head Highway and the Capital Beltway, before I-295 – Southeast Freeway exits the mainline to end at I-395 – Southwest Freeway south of the U.S. Capitol. The Anacostia Freeway does not conform to U.S. Federal Highway Administration Interstate standards and is actually signed as DC-295 north of this junction.

DC-295 becomes MD 295 north of the border and terminates at Baltimore as the Baltimore – Washington Parkway. 295 is the only road marked with this “DC” signage.

The Washington, D.C. “expressway” network is best described as a hodgepodge of spurs, trunk routes, and dead ends. U.S. 50 enters Northeast from Maryland as a limited access highway and transitions into a New York Avenue surface street after one mere exit at South Dakota Avenue.

Interstates 66 and 395 carry Virginia motorists into downtown Washington before cutting sharply north and unceremoniously vanishing at traffic lights. Of course, the one-mile long E Street Expressway is a mere conduit to 66 between Foggy Bottom and the State Department.

Meanwhile, Military Road, North Capitol, and South Capitol do offer diamond interchanges to speed traffic flow in spots; and the Whitehurst Freeway is a 4-lane elevated bypass around Georgetown from K Street.

This fragmented expressway network is made ever more wretched by incomplete interchanges. The aforementioned Pennsylvania Avenue SE corridor is forced to accommodate highway traffic that is unable to make the connection from southbound (geographic east) I-295 to northbound DC-295 – Anacostia Freeway. Curiously, no ramp or expressway interchange exists between these important routes.

Locals, commuters, and Marylanders are forced to exit onto Pennsylvania Avenue from the Southeast Freeway, and cross the Sousa Bridge, before heading north on DC-295 per a signaled diamond interchange. The Barney Circle Freeway project, killed in 1996 after decades of debate was intended to span the Anacostia River to the northeast and connect today’s DC-295 with the Southeast Freeway.

The Not in My Backyard backlash towards urban freeways killed all I-95, I-695, and I-70 S, proposals that were set to traverse the District. Conspiracy theorists rationalize that the standoff has been controlled by racial lines, or even to preserve mysterious symbols of the occult, which were integrated within the DC layout. Of course, these ideas are beyond the scope of this work.

Historical plans routed Interstate 95 into the District and Maryland via today’s I-395 and New York Avenue. I-95 now joins the I-495 Capital Beltway at Springfield, VA and encircles the city before serving the northeast megalopolis. Of course, I-395 still exists to connect Virginians along the I-95 corridor with downtown via Arlington and Alexandria.

Interstate 270 was to be named as 70-S, and continue into the District of Columbia from Montgomery County and Frederick. Today, I-270 ends at the Capital Beltway and carries deceptive “Washington” signage. Motorists must actually join I-495 and exit at various radial routes before entering the District.

The I-95 / 495 Capital Beltway encircles the DC-MD-VA metropolitan area and lists Baltimore (I-95 JCT), Silver Spring, Rockville (I-270 JCT), Northern Virginia, Richmond (I-95 JCT), and Andrews AFB as reference points to alleviate directional confusion.

Of course, the term “expressway” is an oxymoron describing any vehicular or political action inside the Beltway.    

Washington Public Transportation Overlay

Washington power brokers funneled transportation dollars towards an impressive public transportation build out, rather than highway mileage. The Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (Metro) lords over five color – coded rail lines that converge at the National Mall. This is a remarkable system, noted for its sleek appeal, speed, and cleanliness.

The “U” shaped Red Line enters the District from Maryland’s Georgia Avenue, before following railroad right-of-way that is just east of Blair Road and North Capitol Street. The Red Line then turns sharply west at Union Station (North Capitol - Massachusetts) and runs beneath E and G streets NW, prior to reversing course and tracking Connecticut and Wisconsin avenues back into Montgomery County.

This mid-county branch of the Red Line parallels the vital I-270 technology corridor.

The Orange Line bisects the District from west to east. The Orange Line barrels through Virginia’s I-66 median from Vienna to Arlington County, before joining the Blue Line at Roslyn via Wilson and Clarendon. From Virginia, these two lines share tracks beneath I Street NW, 12^th Street NW, and C and D Streets SW-SE, before separating at RFK Stadium. The Orange Line then follows DC 295 and U.S. 50 into Maryland and terminates at New Carrolton.

The Blue Line traces East Capitol Street and MD 214 – Central Avenue towards Largo.

Virginia’s Blue Line begins at Franconia – Springfield, southeast of the I-95 / 395 / 495 mixing bowl and hugs Eisenhower Avenue into Old Town Alexandra. The Blue Line then runs concurrently with the Yellow Line west of U.S. 1 – Jefferson Davis Highway and past Reagan Washington National Airport to the Pentagon. The two lines separate from the shared right-of-way here and the Blue Line follows VA 110 into Arlington National Cemetery, before meeting the Orange Line at Roslyn.

The aforementioned Yellow Line enters Alexandria at Telegraph Road and diverges from the Blue Line at the Pentagon to cross the Potomac River into Washington at the I-395 - 14^th Street Bridge Complex. The Yellow Line quickly meets the Green Line at L’Enfant Plaza and the subway generally follows 7^th Street and Georgia Avenue NW. The Yellow Line’s last stop is at Fort Totten, just inside of South Dakota Avenue.

Metro Rail’s Green line follows MD 5 – Branch Avenue and Southern Avenue into Southeast. The Green Line enters downtown via M Street SE before sharing track with the aforementioned Yellow Line. The Green Line continues past Fort Totten to serve a northeasterly alignment that is near Queens Chapel Road, U.S. 1, and MD 450 en route to Greenbelt.

Additionally, commuter rail service enters the District from Martinsburg, WV, Baltimore, Manassas, and Fredericksburg, VA. Two separate branches of the Virginia Railway Express (VRE) meet at Alexandria from right-of-ways that are best described as running parallel to I-95 and VA 620 Braddock Road.  Maryland Area Rail Commuter (MARC) trains are to be found within close proximity I-270, I-95, U.S. 1, and MD 450.

All commuter rail lines terminate at Union Station, which is 3 blocks north of the U.S. Capitol.

We have now come Full Circle. 

2009 NBA Finals - Game 4 Preview: Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic

Game 4 of the 2009 NBA Finals is set for Thursday, June 11 at 9 p.m. EST from Orlando's Amway Arena. I am designating myself as the Internet's official guide to the NBA Finals. But why stop there? I am designating myself as the Internet's official guide to all of sports. 

Why?

I find sports journalism, well, all of Big Media to stop somewhere just short of completely atrocious. It seems as if the sports media is controlled by balding, fat, middle aged white men that never picked up any type of ball ever in life. Yes, I recognize that I am stating the obvious.

On the other hand, I am not a fan of journalists such as Scoop Jackson that try to be "down," and pen articles that I can barely read because of all the slang and text message - like verbiage. 

Whatever. The downfall of Big Media requires a full fledged dissertation, which is beyond the scope of this article. Let's just get to Game 4. I will address both organizations before presenting the match ups that shall swing the outcome of Game 4.

Dear Los Angeles Lakers:

Why do you people get faked out of your shorts on every single clutch possession by Hedo Turkoglu? Hedo is NOT driving to the front of the rim! Hedo Turkoglu WILL put the ball on the floor for one to two dribbles, dip his shoulders, and step back for a three ball or long jump shot, every single time! Hedo Turkoglu = step back jump shot!

Your team is getting all the calls.

I mean, how many times can Kobe throw his body into Courtney Lee, Dwight Howard, or Pietrus and get the call? Trevor Ariza is mauling Hedo every time he touches the rock and Derek Fisher is running full speed down the court with no intention of scoring. Fish is on a mission to flail his arms in the direction of any blue jersey, draw fouls, and shoot free throws. Orlando can't even get the benefit of the doubt at Amway Arena!

This is why nobody outside of the L.A. Basin likes you people.

C'mon. You play in Los Angeles. You get all the calls. You get all the breaks.

I wonder if anybody else has noticed that suiting up for the L.A. Lakers is enough to make anybody seem cool. Magic, Shaq, Wilt the Stilt, Jerry "The Logo" West, Riles, Kobe, and Rick Fox all emerged as Glamour boys after affiliating themselves with the Showtime Lakers. Even Kurt Rambus looks pimped out over there.

And you all can talk tough and macho and say that the Lakers didn't make you. But, I mean really? What person outside of Toronto, Chapel Hill, or Boston, had ever even heard of Pretty Ricky Fox before he laced 'em up for L.A.?

Magic would never have been Magic playing for the Utah Jazz.

Kobe, I do respect your work ethic. I think that you are the best player in the Game right now. Still, these Jordan comparisons must end. The "Next M.J." debate is really not fair to anybody. I must add that you have gone into full fledged "Black Mamba" mode too many times this series. These antics and resulting freeze out shakes the confidence of your ball club.

I mean, it's past the point of being described as routine for you to demand the pill, dribble 90 feet, and launch wild shots without ever looking in the direction of any one Lake Show teammate. 

Kobe, we recognize that you are getting 30 - 40 points per night.

Yawn.

I know that this sentiment eats away at you. Are you bothered by the fact that basketball heads are more so concerned with Lamar Odom as the real X-Factor, than your clutch play? 

It's just that, we already know what to expect out of you. We know you are the best.

Besides, Phil Jackson and Lamar Odom seem to be the coolest members of the Los Angeles franchise. Phil is dating the boss' daughter and acts as if he smoked two blunts before showing up for work every day. Meanwhile, we know that Lamar has felt real world pain and is just one of those guys that we can all pull for.

No disrespect, but we still want you guys to lose. 

This is America. Our entire culture is built upon the uprising of the perpetual underdog.  

Dear Orlando Magic:

Yes I want you to win - but I just don't think that victory is in the cards for Central Florida.

I don't relish fitting the bill as the ultimate party pooper in light of the Big Game 3 Win, but let's be realistic here. Check it out:

You guys played perfect basketball and won by four points 108-104. You shot a record 75% from the field in the first half. You shot a record 63% for the game. You shot field goals with greater accuracy than L.A. shot free throws. Everybody is gushing over this record shooting.

Of course, Big Media fails to present the fact that the 1991 Chicago Bulls and previous record holder destroyed the L.A. Lakers 107-86 at Chicago Stadium on the strength of 61.7% shooting. 

Rafer Alston played out of his mind and looked like Isiah Thomas out there. Mickael Pietrus scored 18 points.

Your team plays perfect basketball and wins by 4 points. Your team plays perfect basketball and the Lakers still were in position to win until the very last tick of regulation.

Kobe was held in check during the second half. The Black Mamba was even on the shelf, benched for 5 minutes of the fourth quarter. Never mind the fact that the Lakers got nothing from Lamar Odom. Yes, Farmar provided a spark with 11 points in 16 minutes, but he is a defensive liability at the other end of the floor. 

Basically, the Magic must play perfect ball, while the Lakers collapse in order for Orlando to scrape by with a 4-point win.

This does not look good.

I don't think that L.A. will celebrate the Larry O'Brien trophy on your floor. But, I will grant your club one more victory in this series. Adrenaline can only carry you all so far.

Sorry, but Orlando just doesn't get much respect. Shaq is out of pocket and nobody really cares about what is going down in Central Florida, besides Disney World. I have been to Orlando several times before and nobody was there talking about a "Magic." This would be your typical Sun Belt town. The place is too overrun by transplants to build that solid fan base.

These Orlando people are on the bandwagon.

I know all about the Magic. I remember the days with Shaq, Penny, and Dennis Scott on the outside raining threes. The Magic were supposed to be the next dynasty, before Penny blew out his knees and Shaq was shipped out of town to Los Angeles in exchange for a poo poo platter.

Never mind that.

I just want to see Rafer do his whole "Skip to my Lou" thing before this series is done.

I know I have that And-1 Mix Tape laying around her somewhere. 

Let's get to the three match ups that will determine the outcome of Game 4:

#3 2009 NBA Finals - Game 4, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic Key Match up: Rashard Lewis vs. Lamar Odom

The 2009 NBA Playoffs have been a coming out party for Rashard Lewis.

Lewis, the Big Money free agent that descended upon Orlando in 2007, with the intent of winning a championship has put his talents on full display during this postseason run. The 6-year, $118 million man posts up, runs the floor, beats his man off the dribble, and is the most prolific 3-point scorer in the NBA. 

Rashard Lewis is averaging 28 - 8 - 6, in the aftermath of the Game 1 debacle.

This player has hit clutch shot after clutch shot throughout the 2009 NBA Playoffs. Although Lewis' talent level has never been denied, critics remain polarized in regards to this man's psyche.  This is the very same Rashard Lewis that disappeared for maddening stretches of key ball games at Seattle, behind Jesus Shuttlesworth. This is the very same Rashard Lewis that cried his eyes out backstage at the Green Room after making the leap from High School to the NBA.

Certainly, Lamar Odom can relate.

Odom is also praised for possessing limitless reserves of talent, yet degraded for his curious up and down play and mental lapses. Lamar Odom will sky for tough defensive boards, dribble the ball from coast to coast, and diligently thread the needle for a pretty assist to a streaking big man. Of course, he will then promptly regress to getting burned defensively at the other end of the floor and return the favor by clanging a long jumper out of bounds with 20 seconds left in the shot clock.

Can Lamar Odom keep his head in the game?

Lewis is surging with confidence behind the home crowd. Meanwhile, Odom was a complete non factor in Game 3. Expect Odom to vanish as a top-shelf contributor on the road, yet again. 

#3 2009 NBA Finals - Game 4 Key Match up: Lamar Odom vs. Rashard Lewis

Advantage: Rashard Lewis and his Orlando Magic

#2 2009 NBA Finals - Game 4, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic Key Match up: Kobe Bryant and NBA Officiating vs. Orlando Magic

The rule book has been geared towards improving perimeter play and scoring in response to the Bad Boy Pistons and Pat Riley thug ball that destroyed the artistry of the game. Of course, the on-court officiating has always been quietly geared towards protecting the star athlete. 

Orlando will never win this match up.

Courtney Lee and Mickeal Pietrus cannot expect to be saved by the bell defending Bryant, the best perimeter player in the NBA, who also happens to be enjoying his current reign affixed to the mountaintop of international celebrity. 

Smart basketball actually requires that Kobe Bean Bryant goes O.C., trips over his own feet, gets the call, and drains two from the free throw line.

Sorry, Orlando.

#2 2009 NBA Finals - Game 4 Key Match up: Kobe Bryant and NBA Officiating vs. Orlando Magic

Advantage: Kobe Bryant and his Los Angeles Lakers

#1 2009 NBA Finals - Game 4, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic Key Match up: L.A. Wings vs. Orlando 3-point shooters

I am granting the Orlando Magic one more game to pull off these on fire NBA Jam antics.

At this point, the 80's Michael Cooper could put himself through space travel, show up at Orlando, clone himself to defend the perimeter, and still get lit up.

Advantage: Orlando Magic

2009 NBA Finals - Game 4, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic Prediction:

Orlando - 105

Los Angeles - 99

Orlando will win one more game at home before being closed out in 6 at Los Angeles.

2009 NBA Finals: Lakers Vs. Magic - Game 3 Preview

Game 3 of the 2009 NBA Finals is a MUST WIN for the Orlando Magic.

The outcome of this championship series indeed rests upon the critical Game 3. Obviously, a Lakers victory would put Los Angeles up 3-0, with the Black Mamba going for blood and the sweep in Game 4. Never mind the fact that Orlando would then be forced to win two close out games on the road beneath the glare of die hard Staples Centers fanatics. That is, if the Magic were even able to take Games 4 and 5 at home per the NBA Finals 2-3-2 format.

Conversely, an Orlando victory would shift the series to a 2-1 score and intensify the already electric NBA Finals drama.

Orlando's resilience will be put to the test, yet again, in the aftermath of snatching Game 2 defeat away from the jaws of victory. The Magic, blitzed 100-75 in Game 1, actually showed signs of Life, proved the ability to compete against the Glamour Lakers and rallied to a slim 86-84 lead with one minute left to play in the ball game, behind the superior 34-11-7 end to end play of Rashard Lewis.

Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis, complete non-factors in Game 1, finally showed up to perform and caught fire. The duo appeared energized by Coach Stan Van Gundy's gamesmanship and wacky lineups that instigated curious mismatches for the L.A. sidelines.

Van Gundy went big with Dwight Howard and Gortat on the floor at once, slid Turkoglu down to the 2, and even logged extensive minutes without the services of any traditional point guard running the Magic show. Hedo Turkoglu, actually facilitated the offense down the stretch as a funny looking, yet effective, point forward. Turkoglu deftly set the table for his teammates, while filling up his own stat sheet for 22 points, 6 rebounds, 4 dimes, and one timely block of Mr. Bryant's game-winning attempt.

Turkoglu's masterpiece was capped by the Magic small forward delivering the perfect lob pass to Courtney Lee directly from Van Gundy's in-bounds play. The directives called for Lee to back cut towards the basket, behind the seal and pick of Rashard Lewis against Kobe Bryant. 

Perfect execution. 

Perfect execution, except for the actual shot. Courtney Lee, thwarted by the length of Pau Gasol simply put too much mustard on the ball and clanged the lay-in off the front of the rim from point - blank range. The gaffe of such a routine score at the final tick of regulation threw the game into overtime, in which the game's momentum swung solidly to the advantage of the Los Angeles Lakers column.   

The Lake Show escaped and prevailed with a 101-96 overtime victory to hold serve and protect home court.

Courtney Lee's miss will go down in Orlando Magic lore as a Goat moment that is on par with Nick Anderson's 1995 Finals free throw disaster. Anderson missed four consecutive shots from the charity stripe in the final moments of Game 1 versus the Rockets that would have sealed the ball game. Instead, Kenny "The Jet" Smith, of TNT fame, hit a dagger three ball for Houston to send the game into overtime. The Rockets went on to sweep Shaquille O'Neal, Penny Hardaway, and the Orlando Magic out of the championship round.

Indeed, the Orlando Magic franchise is a winless 0-6 per the NBA Finals.

Game 3 will be a dog fight for Orlando to get off the schneid.

This article will now present the three key match ups that are set to determine the Game 3 outcome of this 2009 Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic NBA Finals.

#3 2009 NBA Finals, Los Aneles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 3 Key Match up: Kobe Bryant, Black Mamba versus Kobe Bryant, Teammate 

Kobe Bryant will get his points.

Bryant is automatic to go off for 30-40 per night in the NBA Finals. However, it is the actual composition and floor game behind these scores that is all important to success at Laker Land.

Will Mr. Bryant resort to his Black Mamba antics, freeze out teammates, and start gunning from all angles down the stretch? Or will Kobe pick his spots as an offensive assassin, while trusting his teammates and actively involving the L.A. supporting cast?

Los Angeles is a much tougher ball club to defend with Kobe Bryant facilitating the offense and effectively creating open looks for the likes of Trevor Ariza, Luke Walton, Jordan Farmar, and Derek Fisher. Bryant is a threat to fill up the basket from any point of the floor and the Lakers have the distinct advantage of executing the triangle offense with Kobe at the top of the key, or on the block, drawing double-teams and creating space for cutters to slash into the paint for easy buckets.  

Role players thrive upon these scores and often transform into viable offensive contributors following lay-ins and rim-rocking jams. Of course, the field goal productivity also sparks a lock down mentality from these emotional athletes at the other end of the floor. Certainly, involving substitutes, journeymen, and lifetime bench warmers on the road beneath the media glare is easier said than done.

Kobe Bryant is already showing signs of frustration. In the closing moments of Game 2 regulation, the Black Mamba refused to pass the ball to an open Lamar Odom on the wing. Bryant assumed command, drove the basketball, and was unceremoniously rejected by Hedo Turkoglu at the point of attack.

#3 2009 NBA Finals, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 3 Key Match up: Kobe Bryant, Black Mamba vs. Kobe Bryant, Teammate

Advantage: Orlando Magic

#2 2009 NBA Finals, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 3 Key Match up: Lamar Odom vs. Hedo Turkoglu

Hedo Turkoglu did all that was asked of him in Game 2.

Turkoglu manned the 1, 2, and 3, and ran the Magic offense during the second half and into overtime. The 6'10 small forward executed the half court sets by using picks and putting the rock on the deck to work the motion offense with smart ball movement.

The playmaker torched the Lakers for 22 points, going 3-6 from downtown largely upon the strength of his patented step-back jump shot move. The relatively slow-footed Turkoglu proved to be a match-up nightmare for the Lakers backcourt due to his size and proverbial game of "keep away" to protect clutch possessions.  

Although Finals counterpart Lamar Odom is listed as a power forward on the Los Angeles roster, Odom is capable of filling the small forward 3 role when the Lakers do decide to go big. Irrespective of Odom's formal position, the versatile star is virtually automatic from mid-range, posts up, and is always beating his man directly to the front of the rim via his explosive first step. Lamar Odom is one of the most talented basketball players in the NBA and has parlayed these skills into 15 -11 2009 double - double averages. 

Still, Odom is notorious for his up and down play, off-court candy addiction, and befuddling mental lapses. The ultimate Lakers X-factor must keep his head in the game, work the triangle, refuse to settle for deep jumpers, and aggressively attack the lane. Of course, this mandate will be easier said than done in front of 20,000 rabid Magic fans at Amway Arena.

Lamar Odom is due to lay an egg in Game 3.

#2 2009 NBA Finals, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 3 Key Match up: Lamar Odom vs. Hedo Turkoglu

Advantage: Hedo Turkoglu and his Orlando Magic

#1 2009 NBA Finals, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 3 Key Match up: Orlando Magic role players vs. L.A. Lakers role players

Where is Courtney Lee's head at right now?

The Magic shooting guard blew the aforementioned game-winning lay-up and back rimmed a chip shot floater moments prior to that goat moment. 

Will Lee step up with clutch buckets to rally his mates behind him, or degenerate further into maddeningly cold shooting that will sabotage Orlando's title run, with extended minutes? Remember, Nick "The Brick" Anderson's game fell prey to a career long slump after his 1995 NBA Finals free-throw line debacle. In fact, Anderson's free throw accuracy collapsed to an unfathomable 40% the following season.

Of course, basketball is a team sport and the blame should not fall squarely upon Courtney Lee's shoulders. The Orlando Magic role players have contributed nothing to the 2009 NBA Finals. Game 1, was indeed, a total disaster for Central Florida. However, Game 2 was a very winnable game that could have swung either way. Certainly, Orlando would have triumphed if any one player not referred to as "Turkoglu," "Howard," or "Lewis" actually stepped up and did something for Coach Stan Van Gundy.

Rafer Alston "led" Orlado's phalanx of role players with 4 points and 5 assists over 26 minutes of action. Frankly, this is not getting it done.

Despite these trials, role players are always sparked by the home court electricity. The Magic will only need one substitute to score the basketball, get hot in spurts, defend, and play a solid floor game. The NBA Playoffs, particularly the Finals, always remake clutch ballers of the faceless supporting cast into household names and integral components of the ongoing title run. 

Which Magic role player will earn his money during winning time at Orlando? Which Magic role player will be hailed as a savior and parlay these efforts into a bloated contract with the hapless L.A. Clippers next season?

Will Jameer Nelson return to his All-Star form? Will J.J. Redick get hot from deep and bury the Lakers with three - balls? Will Courtney Lee emerge at the fore with renewed vigor, intent upon erasing the brutal memories of his Game 2 tribulations?  

#1 2009 NBA Finals - Game 3, Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic Key Match up: Orlando Magic Role Players vs. Los Angeles Lakers Role Players

Advantage: Orlando Magic

2009 NBA Finals: Los Angles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 3 Prediction:

Orlando Magic - 107

Los Angeles Lakers - 98

This is a MUST WIN game for the Orlando Magic. The inconsistent Lakers will run into a buzz saw at Orlando.

2009 NBA Finals: Lakers vs. Magic - Game 2 Preview

The 2009 NBA Finals just might get out of hand for the Orlando Magic in Game 2.

Although Game 2 is (not quite) a Must Win, the discombobulated Magic, most prove that the franchise can at least compete with the Los Angeles Lakers for the full 48 minutes, in the aftermath of Thursday's 100-75 Game 1 shellacking. Game 1 was an unmitigated disaster for the Orlando Magic as the surging Lake Show flexed their imposing Championship muscle. 

The initial meeting featured the superior gamesmanship of a locked-in 40-8-8 Kobe Bryant, timely contributions from the L.A. supporting cast, and the swarming defense of an athletic, long, and lean Laker front line that harassed Dwight Howard and his mates into shooting a wretched 29% from the floor. Orlando is an inside-out, 3-point shooting ball club that is absolutely doomed when the jumper goes cold. 

Orlando has not mashed the panic button yet, but the collective hands of Central Florida remain at the ready to abandon the ship of reason with another NBA Finals debacle.

This article will present the three key match ups that will determine the outcome of Game 2.

The Orlando Magic cannot afford to get blown out of the gym, yet again. 

#3 2009 NBA Finals Lakers vs. Magic - Game 2 Key Match up: Kobe Bryant vs. Kobe Bryant

The Black Mamba put the full repertoire on display with his Game 1 masterpiece.

Kobe Bryant, the best player in all of basketball, slapped together his greatest post season performance ever against the Orlando Magic. Kobe knocked down jump shots, posted up, beat his man off the dribble with penetration, and drew contact to tally up 40 points. Mr. Bryant was in control from jump and proved that he is the most cold blooded assassin in sport. 

Still, the face of the Los Angeles Lakers franchise managed to keep his teammates involved. Kobe executed the perfect floor game while ringing up 8 assists to go with his 8 rebounds. Bryant's renewed emphasis upon team play created double-digit scoring opportunities for both Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol. The pair chipped in for a solid 27 points and 22 rebounds.

Indeed, Kobe Bryant is picking his spots to destroy the Orlando defense.

The 6'6 215 lbs Mickael Pietrus lacks the foot speed to face guard Bryant from driving the ball to the tin and the relatively diminutive Courtney Lee is completely overmatched in terms of size at shooting guard. Ironically, Bryant faced his stiffest competition from JJ Redick. Redick "limited" the Black Mamba to two points upon 1-5 shooting.

All jokes aside, the Orlando Magic have no answer for Kobe Bryant. Of course, no team this side of Cleveland, Denver, or Miami is capable of matching one-on-one firepower with this scorer. Kobe is a sure fire lock for 30-40 every night. However, the Magic must contain his ability to facilitate the offense and create space for the likes of Derek Fisher, Luke Walton, and Trevor Ariza to wreak havoc. 

Kobe is desperate to cement his own winning Legacy atop the Pantheon of the all time Greats. Of course, today's dominance arrives courtesy of the well-publicized fallout with Shaquille O'Neal, ongoing media backlash towards the Black Mamba, and last season's NBA Finals embarrassment at the hands of the hated Boston Celtics.

Kobe Bryant will not be denied.   

#3 2009 NBA Finals Lakers vs. Magic - Game 2 Key Match up: Kobe Bryant vs. Kobe Bryant

Advantage: Los Angeles Lakers

#2 2009 NBA Finals Lakers vs Magic - Game 2 Key Match up: Andrew Bynum vs. Dwight Howard

Dwight Howard scored 12 points in Game 1.

The Man-Child went 1-6 from the field, without dunking the basketball, and was forced to earn his points at the line. Howard reverted back to his old form at the charity stripe and shot a miserable 63% on free throws. The Los Angeles Lakers game plan exposed the weaknesses of Dwight Howard's development. Dwight Howard is still a raw athlete that lacks polish. 

Kendrick Perkins and the Boston Celtics proved that Howard could be corralled by brute strength. The underrated Perkins simply got physical with Superman and forced Orlando's center to operate from the foul line - extended area in the high post. Dwight Howard lacks a consistent 15-foot jump shot and is unable to use the dribble drive to manufacture scores from that distance. The Magic focal point averaged a pedestrian 16 points per game versus the Boston Celtics. 

Whereas Perkins gave Howard fits by using force, the Lakers have installed their trademark brand of athleticism to harass this beast in the paint. Lamar Odom, Trevor Ariza, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum have all been trained to converge towards the rim and swarm Dwight Howard's drop step and spin pet moves. Howard must calibrate his game to effectively combat this Western Conference style of attack. 

Andrew Bynum will be largely unable to match Howard point for point on the stat sheet. However, Bynum's role is to stay active, throw his body at the big man, and serve as a roadblock to make life difficult for Dwight Howard. The Laker youngster scored 9 points and took down 9 rebounds during 22 minutes of play to neutralize Orlando's star. 

Certainly, Game 1 has proven that Los Angeles is quite prepared to get Bynum's back. 

Meanwhile, Orlando's Hedo Terkoglu and Rashard Lewis shot a combined 5-21, while clanging contested jump shots off the iron from every possible angle. Magic wings, especially role players, will be unable to punish L.A.'s defensive commitment to stopping Howard on the road.

#2 2009 NBA Finals Lakers vs Magic - Game 2 Key Match up: Andrew Bynum vs. Dwight Howard

Advantage: Los Angeles Lakers   

#1 2009 NBA Finals Lakers vs. Magic Game 2 Key Match up: Rafer Alston vs. Jameer Nelson

Jameer Nelson is the one true player that is capable of inflicting damage upon the Los Angeles Lakers remaining on the Magic roster. The Lakers soft spot is at point guard and the platoon-unit of Derek Fisher and Jordan Farmar is routinely torched by big time guards. Nelson also proved to be unstoppable, averaging 27.5 points, 6.5 assists, and 5.5 rebounds amidst Orlando's two-game regular season sweep of this L.A. club.

Of course, Nelson's torn labrum injury forced him to the sidelines near the midpoint of the 2008 regular season. Prior to Game 1, the budding All-Star had not faced in-game action since February 2, 2009. Predictably, Nelson checked in to the game, provided a quick spark, and flamed out with 6 points and 4 assists over the course of 23 minutes.  

The fourth-year pro is clearly not back in game shape. Still, Stan Van Gundy stuck to his guns and left a gassed Nelson out on the floor to degenerate into an abject liability. The curious substitution pattern swung the flow of the game towards the Lakers favor. The Magic were clearly out of sync as Rafer Alston, the integral cog of this NBA Finals run languished on the bench. 

The Orlando brass is caught between a rock and a hard place. Bringing Nelson along slowly to preserves continuity, while putting the team at risk of getting dominated; while calling this man's number out fresh into the game and throwing him into the fire may only incite a topsy-turvy frenetic pace and shake the confidence of Rafer "Skip to my Lou" Alston. 

The Orlando Magic must remember who got them here.

Besides, Game 3 is the real time to hit the panic button, start Nelson, and pray.

#1 2009 NBA Finals Lakers vs. Magic - Game 2 Key Match up: Rafer Alston vs. Jameer Nelson

Advantage: Los Angeles Lakers

2009 NBA Finals Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic - Game 2 Prediction:

Los Angeles - 108

Orlando - 93

The Lakers hold serve and protect home court. Game 3 is a must win for Orlando.

Burberry Brit

Burberry Brit for men is the creation of perfumer Atoine Maisondieu and was released in 2004. This particular installment of the Burberry cologne stable is designed to evoke the air of a refined, yet contemporary British gentleman. Burberry Brit is befitting of a particular lifestyle of quiet confidence that actually embellishes the fragrance’s distinct aura.

Essentially, Brit wearers make the cologne and not vice versa.

The creation bridges the gap separating the powder – floral movement of the late nineties into the new millennium’s perceived quota for excess testosterone. The Burberry design occupies the aromatic spectrum between Jean Paul Gaultier’s 1995 Le Male and today’s hard charging Diesel – Only the Brave matrix.

Brit represents an appeal that is complimentary, yet distinguished; and Brit wearers refuse to telegraph messages of feigned sophistication or masculinity through pomp and grandstanding. This cologne is not built for the poseur.

Burberry Brit is sold in 1.7 oz. and 3.4 oz. Eau de Toilette packages for $55 and $70, respectively.  Although this cologne will never be heralded as a blockbuster, the fragrance represents absolute perfection when worn appropriately.

Burberry Brit Notes and Scent

Burberry Brit is an acquired taste of modern refinement that decelerates into the background per a cascade of notes.

The first wave is a bold splash of oriental woods, wild rose, green mandarin, and spicy ginger. These notes prevail during the first ten-minute period of wear, before Brit effectively downshifts the intensity with a second wave of stately intelligence.

Secondary notes are undergirded with cedarwood, tonka beans, and a musky flavor that is obviously masculine – yet far from stifling. The initial sparks of exotic flavor have now settled into the background and serve to provide the fragrance with the requisite amount of daring.

The character is that of a Renaissance Man and worldly scholar that acquires knowledge by first – hand experience, rather than through the offbeat accounts of others. The Brit man gracefully manages the line between avant-garde excitement and historical polish.

Bergamot and nutmeg emerge to replicate a finishing statement that is more so relaxed and nautical. Brit’s third and final notes foster the sanguine feelings of satisfaction in regards to the day’s personal affairs. Indeed, the complete package is quite comparable to a James Bond type of appeal.

This is Burberry Brit.

How to Wear Burberry Brit Cologne

Burberry Brit is to be applied to the body’s main pulse points for maximum effectiveness. Pulse points at the wrists, neck, and chest radiate heat, which activates the cologne’s oils. Men should apply 2-3 full pumps in total of the cologne upon these vital areas and dab the excess fragrance behind both ears per one’s fingertips.

The integration of one’s natural flavors, along with Brit’s ingredients will present a signature scent that is highlighted further as the fragrance transitions through the aforementioned notes. This cycle that begins with a strong flourish and finishes with the air of resolute command is the essence of Brit.

Do not overuse this cologne.

Brit is designed for understatement and is ideal for professionals and intimate gatherings. This is not a fragrance introduced for crushing, impersonal nightlife, or any event where drawing attention from the faceless masses is the goal. Brit is subtle cologne to be worn within familiar arenas where leadership has already been awarded, rather than fawned upon per one’s ostentatious actions.  

Hence, this cologne is served best as a complimentary component of a well – rounded collection that should include spicier aromas such as Issey Miyake’s L’Eau D’Issey, or even Jean Paul Gaultier’s Le Male.

In other words, wear Burberry Brit per a romantic candlelight dinner for two; and flex L’Eau D’Issey to broadcast your imminent arrival at the raging discotheque.

Burberry Brit Cologne Rating

Brit is 4.5 out of 5 stars cologne. The fragrance is excellent per close quarters. However, all but the most distinguished of gentleman will be lost amidst the shuffle of crushing crowds and subsequent attention mongering.

Again, the wearer makes this fragrance and we have not all been blessed with the proper amounts of Grace to excel at all times. Still, Burberry Brit is true perfection – if left to the proper devices.